"REMEMBER me? We met at a conference in the Waterfront last year." The answer was no, this woman did not remember him at all. He went on to chat about their common interests and left with her business card.
"And so it began," she told me. I'll call her Jill - not her real name, as with all the other women I talked to.
"He phoned a couple of times and I suppose as a middle-aged woman I was flattered but then the pressure started - 'What about coffee?' 'What about lunch?'
"He was charming, but really just to get rid of him we had lunch one day. It was then that the chat became personal. He knew I was single and lived on my own and he suggested I was just what he was looking for - 'just for companionship, of course' - but I knew that wasn't true.
"Although I told him I didn't want anything to do with his suggestion he didn't stop, even sent flowers to the office and everyone thought it was very romantic - but I was getting scared."
IT SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS
I began asking other women if they experienced such pressure. For Heather it's easy enough to cope with a 'come on' like this: "I just smile sweetly and tell them not to waste time because I'm a lesbian." Maybe she is and maybe she isn't, but it means she can control these advances.
Joan too is a very decisive woman. I know her well and she's happy in her own skin and in her own home. A divorcee of many years it didn't take her long to suss out a man on the make.
"I had one neighbour who decided he'd take me under his wing and insisted he would look after me," she says.
"I don't know if he watched for me coming out of the house or into the garden but suddenly he'd be there and I became angry with myself for checking if he was around before going out. I should have been able to tell him to leave me alone but for some reason I didn't want to be rude."
At the time Joan worked for a charity which meant attending functions to accept cheques and publicise her organisation.
"Usually it was perfectly all right, nice people and polite, but on the occasions it could go wrong," she recalls.
"Once it was arranged I'd go to a private house to collect a cheque after an event but I was concerned when he asked me in but there was no sign of his wife. Then he declared his love for me... Well, what do you do? Take the cheque and run?
"Almost, but I decided to treat it with humour so I swallowed my fear and laughed asking him had he been drinking and told him to wise up and act his age. It did the trick and I got away, never to return. Since then I am careful to talk to wives rather than their husbands."
Of all the single, widowed or divorced women I talked to over the last short while, every one had a story to tell: "Parties where a man will ask you to dance, too close and personal, breaking away is difficult but once you do, tell someone in your party, preferably a woman, that you aren't happy with the situation and to please keep watch. Some men think, she's on her own I'm in with a chance here."
Being single is one thing but being widowed can cause hurt during a very emotional time. Ella lost her husband only six months ago. After the funeral she was taken aback when a male friend of the family took her aside, put his arm around her, gave her a squeeze and told her just to lean on him for support.
HER ALARM SYSTEM WENT INTO OVERDRIVE
Thankfully her daughter arrived before the conversation got any more personal. "I was very uncomfortable and a bit afraid, I just knew he was wanting me to allow him into my life and I wasn't having that," she tells me.
"Now I dread meeting him with his wife - what sort of man is he that can chat up a grieving woman when his wife is sitting at home? I've arranged with my daughter and the lady in the next house that I can phone if I see him at the door and they'll come round."
Another women, Aoife, shares: "My most embarrassing moment came after my husband died and I was out for a walk with the dog when I came up to a neighbour who was cutting his hedge.
"I knew the couple quite well so stopped for a chat. Within a few minutes his wife was out, ignored me and demanded he come back into the house. I would love her to know that at 78 I am not looking for a man - and anyway, I wouldn't fancy her's in a million years..."
And what about men on their own? Next week some of their experiences and a chat with Women's Aid on how best to handle the difficult situations when you're an older woman being pressurised.
MAN ON A MISSION
In August I introduced you to Paul Dawson who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when he was 25 years of age.
Although now living life in a wheelchair, he doesn't know the meaning of the word 'can't'. He'll tackle anything, including the 2,000 foot cliffs of Slieve League on the Donegal coast. His chair took him part of the way and then the Donegal Mountain Rescue team pulled him in a cradle over the heather and the rock to the summit. Why?
"Because I wanted to see the view and to prove that because I'm in a wheelchair and have a disability, it won't stop me. And thanks to teams of Irish and Ukrainian men and women, it didn't and the view was fantastic."
A memorable day for a memorable man.
