Sleb Safari: Paul O'Grady wants to come back as a plate throwing poltergeist

Paul O'Grady loves pigs and poltergeists
Maeve Connolly

SPARE a thought for broadcaster, presenter and animal lover Paul O'Grady whose home is haunted by a ghost who smells. Before you go offering Paul your spare room, know that his ghost smells of perfume. The after life, eh? It gives with one hand and takes with the other.

Paul has identified the perfume and it's not any of the Ghost fragrances; it's Joy by French fashion designer Jean Patou and according to the perfume house it smells "like an avalanche of flowers from east and west".

The blurb continues:"A drop suffices, this concentrated, exceptional fragrance envelopes every woman in a cloud of sophistication". Going by what Paul told his pal Yvette Fielding on her Paranormal Activity podcast, his ghost has been spraying said sophistication with a heavy hand.

"When I first moved in here, people used to say they could smell perfume. And I couldn't, I never smelt it. It was about two years later, I got up one night and went downstairs for a drink, and I smelt it on the stairs, it hit me."

And then... two years ago... Paul was introduced to a young woman who was friends with a relative of the lady who used to live in his house and she passed on 'a message', asking Paul if he had ever sniffed sophistication on the staircase.

"And I went 'What?" I said 'Yes, I can' and she said, 'It's by Jean Patou, or somebody'.

"I went and got a bottle off eBay, one of the old fashioned ones, to see if it smelt the same and it was."

And they lived happily ever after.

Paul and Yvette also played a version of the 'Which super power do you wish you had?', except there's was 'What would you want to come back as?'.

Paul plumped for a poltergeist.

"If there is an afterlife, I'm coming back as a poltergeist. I can't wait. You'll be in your kitchen and a plate will go flying, and you'll know it's me."

Yvette, who never let us see this side when she was on Blue Peter gluing lollipop sticks together and calling it a raft for teddy bears, thought she too might enjoy creating mischief as a poltergeist.

"We could be bad together. We could be really bad together, couldn't we?"

And while Yvette started the sentence "We could go to the Houses of Parliament…" Paul finished it with "Oh, we could do all sorts. I'd pee in the members' drinking tank and all manner of stuff. I'd do terrible things. It would be such a hoot.

"And anyway, they'd get an exorcist in and that would be the end of us. Woof, puff of smoke, down to hell for bad behaviour."

These two are remarkably blasé about poltergeists. Sleb Safari still can't hear the name Carol Anne without a shiver running down its back. That said, should the day come when Sleb Safari is standing in the kitchen with plates flying past its head it's going to take great comfort in knowing that it's only Paul O'Grady having a bit of posthumous fun. Unless he's still alive. Gulp.

Justin Theroux stars in Shirtless On A Plane

Justin Theroux with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston

Proof if ever proof were needed that celebrities inhabit a different world comes this week from Justin Theroux who inexplicably takes his shirt off before going to sleep on a plane.

He told Jason Bateman on the Smartless podcast that he prepares for slumber in the same way he would at home, by removing his top.

Granted he's not in cattle class on an easyJet flight, yelling "Taps aff" after pre-loading in the airport bar and then falling asleep with his head on the stranger beside him's shoulder; he's in first class enjoying cashmere blankets, champagne and a foot massage.

By way of mitigation Justin stressed that he puts a blanket over his torso and isn't sprawled out on a fully reclining seat, topless. Still, Sleb Safari is not in favour of this carry on and would urge Justin to read Sleb Safari's pamphlet on Attire Etiquette. In short: Dress (or undress) for context and comfort.

Kim Kardashian promotes Kanye's Donda album, badly

MUCH hilarity in slebdom with Kim Kardashian's ringing endorsement of Kanye West's new album, Donda.

Her ex husband had roped her in to promote the album release and she appeared at the event dressed in a wedding dress which was an unusual decision for a couple that is divorcing.

On top of that Kim posted a screengrab of her Spotify account, showing her listening to a song from the album. Unfortunately for Kim, she had Spotify on mute so perhaps not the endorsement Kanye was looking for.

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