THIS Thursday marks the first anniversary of the murder of teacher and musician Aisling Murphy. A young woman who went out for a run and never came home.
Her murder prompted uproar, outrage, disgust. Vigils were held the length and breadth of the island, there was much discussion about misogyny, societal attitudes to women, to gender equality. We lit candles to remember lives lost. I remember thinking at the time, how many more candles would I light to remember a woman who had been murdered by a man?
In the 12 months since Aisling's death, did anything change? Certainly not for the other women who were murdered in that time. Natalie McNally and her unborn child were brutally murdered in her home in December. Then Bruna Fonesca, murdered at home on New Year's Day.
There was a vigil at Stormont to remember Natalie, and all victims of gender based violence last week. But in the weeks before that, the silence around Natalie's was deafening. It felt like no one wanted to hear this 'stuff' discussed yet again, particularly not on the mouth of Christmas.
There is never a good time to discuss misogyny. Raise the subject as an issue and you will most definitely experience a backlash of abuse. So be a good little girl, and whatever you say, know your place. Never challenge and 'ssssh' – say nothing.
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IN THE middle of the food over-indulgence of 'the inbetweeny bit' separating Christmas from the new year, I watched the first episode of the US drama This Is Us (I am well aware that I am very late to this much lauded series).
There is a 'fridge scene' where one of the characters looks at food which has been labelled by its calorific content written on post it notes. This character also attends what she refers to as "fat club" and talks about "losing the weight".
'If only I could lose the weight': How many times do we say this to ourselves? Particularly at this time of year. I am so over the idea of 'new year, new you'. It is utter nonsense and does nothing but feed into a diet culture which is detrimental to how we see ourselves and to our relationship with food.
Did I eat too much this Christmas? Of course I did. Did I sicken myself of certain food and drink? Absolutely. But there was no way that I was going to go cold turkey and start a diet on January 1. We are still in hibernation. The days are short and the nights long. We need something to get us through it. Besides, I no longer 'do' diets.
The capitalist diet culture is in overdrive this month. Social media timelines are full of ways to 'lose the weight', whether it's through diet or exercise or both. Sign up for this 30 day programme, this 10 day programme, find the 'new you'. I have bought into it all before and it's like anything. If you jump in, you jump out.
Kate Winslett recently spoke out about how she was treated in relation to her weight when she was a young actor starting out in her career. It was always a talking point. Now in her 40s, she says that she wished that she called it out, but the truth is she was riddled with insecurity. The comments that were made about her weight and how she looked really impacted on her.
The language used to describe women's bodies has become how we describe ourselves and it is so difficult to become a discerning voice in this conversation. It's all about being 'honed and toned', 'svelte' and finding clothes that are 'slimming'. What does that even mean?
My favourite quote from Kate's interview was that after red carpet appearances she changes out of her dress and she's in her PJs and farting. I felt seen by this remark, particularly as I am getting married this year.
Seven years ago, for some reason I signed up to a couch-to-5k programme and I took my first steps towards getting fitter than I ever was. Yes, I lost weight, I took baby steps, and month on month, I felt fitter and better. The fitness wagon is one I fall off regularly, but when I make time for exercise, I feel better.
So that will be my motivation, even on the days when I think that I can't bothered. All I can do is try and put my best foot forward.
