WE ARE living through a monumental moment in history, having lost one of the most remarkable figures of our time.
Queen Elizabeth II, a constant presence in all our lives for all our lives, passed away at the age of 96 after a reign of seven decades. None of us under the age of 70 have known another monarch. She was the figurehead of the royal family. Spent her entire life in the service of her duty, working even two days before she passed. And because of that very public role, many have felt that they knew her well and are bereft at her passing.
And is it any wonder? The royal family have shared many intimate moments with us. Through our television screens we are inside the church when they marry, outside the hospital when they emerge with a new baby. Through the media we are part of their funeral rituals and services, we join them as they take their children to school. And last Thursday it was shared with us, as if we were close family members, that the Queen had taken gravely ill and later that day, had sadly passed away.
For unionists, whose relationship with the royal family is very clear cut and easy to navigate, their grief came easy. For many of my unionist friends, the Queen and her family are very much a part of their family. They are loved and adored and the Queen's passing felt very much like someone in their own family had died. They often grew up with the Queen's portrait in their home, they followed the life of the Queen and her family through ups and downs, felt her sorrow and joy, celebrated family milestones in their own homes and communities alongside the royal family. And are now devastated at her passing, as extended family members.
Nationalists have a very different, very complicated relationship with the royal family that would sit apart from their unionist neighbours. The royal family would not be an important fixture in their lives, idolising them might feel alien to them, they wouldn't feel the loss as keenly as unionist friends because of the disconnect.
That's not to say that, despite lacking the same depth of a relationship with the royals, we are not impacted by the loss of such an important figure in society and feel the impact of that loss on our unionist friends and neighbours.
For many, the Queen's death has brought forth a lot of complicated and conflicting emotions. Despite a lack of connection with the royals, her death could have brought back memories of the passing of our own elderly relatives. The pictures of the grieving family may stir strong emotions within ourselves about our own journeys with our parents and grandparents. After a period of monumental instability, the death of such a prominent figure in society might also feel extremely jarring.
The 10-day-long ritual of mourning may be very helpful to some to come to terms with their grief, but damaging to others for whom sitting too long with sorrow may not be helpful.
There's also a psychological element. Parasocial interaction refers to a relationship experienced by the public with regards their encounters with public figures in the mass media. Viewers, listeners and readers can subconsciously come to regard these public figures as 'friends' despite no or limited interactions. When someone has been so often in our living rooms and lives through our television screens and phones, we come to know them, whether we realise it or not.
Whatever your feelings are at this moment, whether they come easy to you, or are difficult to navigate, we can all agree we are living through changing times. We are all human beings, capable of compassion and respect and love for our neighbours.
Our unionist neighbours and friends are hurting right now over the death of someone they held very dear, someone who has been a part of their family and traditions for seven decades, down through their generations. Regardless of your thoughts on the royal family, we can choose to reach out the hand of friendship or we can use our words at this moment in time as weapon to hurt them when they are already so wounded by loss.
I know which choice I'm going to make.
