Life

Radio review: Taking rejection and moving forward

Nuala McCann
Nuala McCann Nuala McCann

My name is Hayley: Asking for Rejection Radio 4

No-one likes rejection, but is it possible to inoculate yourself against it?

Hayley was giving it a go.

She challenged herself to be rejected in small ways so she could feel the fear and do it.

“I really like that dark chocolate and orange cookie you have... can I have it for free?” she asked a stranger.

He said “no”.

She took the rejection and moved forward.

Hayley is trying to get better at dealing with rejection.

Her journey was sparked by a book she read called “Why Women Don’t Ask – The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation”.

The authors explore the societal reasons why women seldom ask for what they need, want and deserve at work and home.

That led her to facilitator and coach Linda Cockburn and the idea of rejection therapy – the thinking is that the more you are rejected, the more that rejection becomes like water off a duck’s back.

The chat turned to those little girls whose school reports read that was “a quiet, conscientious child” … form an orderly queue all ye who were that child.

Let’s say it resonated.

Truth is, you can get sick of being the good polite girl.

We heard how not being able to say no can wash you up in lots of places you’d rather not go; even sleeping with people you don’t want to sleep with because you’re too polite.

The thing is the more Hayley asked, the more she realised that she didn’t always get a no, she scored a free pear and a feed of chips for her trouble.

But there’s a serious side to this.

The real question is whether the gender pay gap is about women being more reluctant to ask for more money.

It’s hard to shake off the shackles of super nice and super polite.

The discussion turned to an experiment where people were asked to write “pickle” in pen in a library book.

The majority agreed to vandalise the book - perhaps because it was more awkward to stand up and say this was wrong than to agree to write “pickle”.

The series “My name is…'' tackles a range of issues from grooming and abuse, to the housing crisis.

The individuals behind them tell often inspirational stories – they’re out to make a difference.