Marie Louise McConville: An invasion of Daddy Longlegs giving me the creeps
I'm going to have to start charging them rent soon if they don't clear off.
The thing is, they weren't invited and they're not wanted but I haven't got a clue how to get rid of them - I don't think an eviction notice would work.
To be honest people, I don't even know what the proper name is for them.
They remind me of a `Daddy Longlegs' but I'm not even sure that's what they are.
All I know is they have invaded our home, inside and out, and I hate them, they creep me out and I need them gone.
It started a few weeks ago.
I was leaving the house in the morning for the school run and when I opened the front door, there he was, sitting on the door step, waiting to get in.
After a sharp intake of breath, I jumped over the step to go and put the school and lunch bags in the car.
I then had to jump over him again on the way back and when it was time to take the kids out, they were horrified by this horrible little winged thing sitting on the door step.
When we got to the car, Abbie pointed out that there was a "big legs on the car, mummy" but I ushered them into the car, seat belts on and off we went.
I was hoping the wind against the car would blow him off but nope, on he hung, still there when I got home.
From then on, every morning, there have been more and more of them outside when we leave for school - on the door, on the door panels, on the windows, on the paving out the back beside the bins.
The one night last week, one managed to infiltrate the McConville home.
I was in the bedroom, putting some ironing away when Abbie came up the stairs to ask me something however, instead, she let out a yelp and pointed out that there was a "big legs on the ceiling".
Out of the room we both flew and it was daddy's job to catch and dispose of it.
Honestly, in the mornings now, I spend all my time slowly opening the front door to do a recce just to see where they are so I can work out our Krypton Factor-style escape plan.
I need help.
Has anyone any ideas about what they are and how I can get rid of them?
I'm hoping it's a `time of year' thing and soon, they will die out and finally, I will be free to walk outside my front door without feeling there are a million eyes on me - it's worse than watching Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.
Until then, wish me luck - it's time these creeps found another space to invade.
It's been reported that the BBC has renewed the brilliant hit drama, Bodyguard for a second series.
The 2018 high-adrenaline show, which starred Richard Madden as Police Sergeant David Budd, was the most watched programme of the year, with 11 million people watching the final episode.
The show, which was created and written by Line of Duty's Jed Mercurio, followed David Budd and Home Secretary Julia Montague, played by Keeley Hawes, after he is appointed as her Principal Protection Officer.
I can't wait to see Mr Madden back on our screens in all his ruggedness.
Hope it doesn't take too long.
It's the time of year of jammies and hot chocolate, so how about winning a "riveting" suspense novel to liven up these dark evenings?
Such A Quiet Place by Megan Miranda is set in Hollow's Edge, which used to be a quiet place.
A private and idyllic neighbourhood where neighbours dropped in on neighbours, celebrated graduation and holiday parties together, and looked out for one another.
But then came the murder of Brandon and Fiona Truett.
A year and a half later, Hollow's Edge is simmering.
The residents are trapped, unable to sell their homes, confronted daily by the empty Truett house, and suffocated by their trial testimonies that implicated one of their own - Ruby Fletcher - and now, she's back.
Within days, it becomes clear that not everyone told the truth about the night of the Truetts' murders.
I have five copies of Such A Quiet Place by Megan Miranda to give away.
If you fancy winning a copy, simply email your name, address and telephone number – along with the answer to the question below – to firstname.lastname@example.org
Closing date for entries is 12 noon on Tuesday, September 28, 2021
(Q) Who wrote Such A Quiet Place?
Normal Irish News Rules Apply
The winners of the Odhran Murphy competition are Danny Mullan, from Ballymena, and Bibiana McCavera, from Portglenone.