Sleb Safari: Mr Motivator's bumbag collection spans two continents
BEFORE Joe Wicks there was Mr Motivator, a neon burst of early morning energy.
Hard to believe, but Mr Motivator isn’t his real name. He’s actually Mr Derrick Evans. How and ever, motivation is his game. Let me hear you say Get wicked.
Mr Motivator had a look and he stuck to it; or rather it stuck to him. Did he really need to wear a Lycra unitard and bumbag? Of course not, but it was breakfast TV in the 90s and Timmy Mallett had already claimed the mallet.
Sleb Safari had never given much (any) thought to what had become of Mr Motivator’s workout gear. Surely it had disintegrated after being washed daily at really, really high temperatures? And the coordinating bum bags? Ebay? Charity shop? The Smithsonian?
Mr Motivator is here to tell you that not only did he keep every last item but they’re stored across two continents.
We have The Times to thank for this nugget of Mr Motivator trivia. It casually asked him how many bumbags he owned and the answer was as impressive as his stamina.
“Approximately 400 in Jamaica and 100 here,” he said. “They’re stored in sliding trays underneath my bed next to my unitards, which are rolled up with the headbands.”
Where does one purchase a unitard? Certainly not in any shop where Sleb Safari has bought its ‘workout gear’. Full disclosure: Sleb Safari buys clothing-designed-for-exercise in TK Maxx and is a big fan of an elasticated waist.
Mr Motivator has a home in Jamaica but has been living in Manchester for the past few years and his unitards, headbands and bumbags aren't the only things he had to leave behind. His four rottweilers are back there too.
“One of them, Fluffy, is so lovely. I video call home once a week. She jumps for joy when she hears my voice,” Mr Motivator told The Times, before adding by way of explanation: “She’s not a rottweiler with a bad bite, she’s a rottweiler with a great heart”.
Sleb Safari is very much in favour of rottweilers being called Fluffy and hopes to meet one some day, particularly one with a big old heart. Presumably the other three rottweilers are the guard dogs and while Fluffy disarms the intruder her colleagues form a circle and wait for the police to arrive.
Mr Motivator is far from alone in having an unusual collection. Thanks to an innocent Instagram birthday post Elton John has revealed an impressive stash of Marmite.
Sleb Safari is going to presume all the jars are unopened because surely no-one likes Marmite enough to (a) eat it and (b) see point a.
Elton’s prized collection came to light when he shared a photo taken at home of him cutting his 74th birthday cake.
There, at his right elbow, was a display of flavoured Marmites. Twitter got busy and began identifying the different flavours. Marmite Dynamite Chilli was an early submission, swiftly followed by Guinness Marmite and Reduced Salt Marmite. There was even talk of a limited edition jar containing either gold coloured flecks or actual, edible flakes of gold.
All we need now is for Bradley Walsh to inadvertently alert us to his collection of Care Bears and we’ll have a full house.
Gregg Wallace doesn't think much of your barbecue
YOU have to admire Gregg Wallace’s devil may care attitude when it comes to offending friends and family.
Gregg has been chatting to The Radio Times about all the “rubbish” barbecues he has attended over the years.
“Every barbecue I have ever been to was rubbish,” he told the magazine.
“I turn up and find the same lump of uncooked meat on a paper plate and I have to try to cut it with a plastic fork in one hand and a drink in the other.
“Men who only ever go into a kitchen to throw beer cans away suddenly seek to perfect one of the most difficult techniques known to man.”
Sleb Safari would very much like to be a fly on the wall the next time Gregg hosts a barbecue.
Britney Spears cried for two weeks about documentary
BRITNEY Spears says she cried for two weeks after watching parts of the recent documentary about her life and career. She wrote a lengthy post to accompany a video of her dancing to Crazy by Aerosmith which she said she does nightly “to feel wild and human and alive”.
Britney described having been watched and judged her entire life.
“I have been exposed my whole life performing in front of people!!! It takes a lot of strength to trust the universe with your real vulnerability cause I've always been so judged... insulted... and embarrassed by the media... and I still am till this day!!!
“As the world keeps on turning and life goes on we still remain so fragile and sensitive as people!!! I didn't watch the documentary but from what I did see of it I was embarrassed by the light they put me in... I cried for two weeks and well... I still cry sometimes!!!!”
She added that she works to remain joyful, loved and loving.
“Every day dancing brings me joy!!! I'm not here to be perfect... perfect is boring... I'm here to pass on kindness!!!”
She’s never seemed more human.
High Five Paddington Bear
This week’s tip of the hat goes to Paddington Bear for his April Fool’s effort. Paddington tweeted “I don’t like marmalade anymore” and by tea time had 90,000 likes. High five Paddington Bear.