Sleb Safari: Katie Price throws an excellent birthday party
TIME to return to Chez Pricey where Katie and her Chosen Stallion have been celebrating his 32nd birthday.
It’s a big birthday, no doubt about that, and Katie threw him a party worthy of his Instagram account.
How and ever, you don’t become a businesswoman, equestrian, author, hair extension raffler and wedding day devotee without knowing when to call in the professionals.
Katie is unable to walk or stand for long periods after breaking too many bones in her feet jumping over a wall so had she not called in the party planners Carl's decor would have consisted of a couple of balloons blown up by his beloved with her feet up on the sofa.
Credit where credit is due, the back garden party props looked gorgeous. Allow Sleb Safari to set the scene.
Picture if you will a neon Happy Birthday sign on a reflective gold background which looks to be made up of hundreds of golden squares; the number ‘32’ and ‘Carl’ in large, light up figures; an arch of black and gold balloons; a table set beautifully using the same colour scheme and a Louis Vuitton inspired birthday cake as Carl is “a huge LV fan”; a cinema screen the size of a mobile hut classroom and half a dozen oversized, comfy looking, outdoor seats.
Katie and her Chosen Stallion/Carl Woods got together last June and she thinks he is the cat’s pyjamas. Not once, not twice, but at least 104 times has Katie talked about wanting to marry him and have a Pricey-Woods baby.
Her most recent pronouncement on the matter went thus: "I’m not getting any younger… I do look younger as I get older but you know what I mean.
"It’s all happened really fast but I know Carl is the man for me. He’s The One and I couldn’t be happier – look at me!"
Katie likes that Carl is not interested in fame. If you think you recognise Carl it’s because he was on Love Island 2016 and ITV2’s Killer Camp in 2018.
On Valentine’s Day he presented Katie with a bouquet of flowers that had a 22k gold rose “nestled among the ever lasting roses that have been sprayed in real diamond dust”.
"Reaching higher than any other, the Grandeur rose emanates glory and preciousness,” according to the florist.
"It is the true and unyielding representation of eternal love, with each minute detail perfectly cast in gold and visible for all of the time."
Credit where credit’s due, these two know how to supersize an occasion. Back in December a ‘source’ told Heat magazine that Katie no longer cared for a fairytale, spendy wedding and was prepared to wed her stallion “bargain-style” in the back garden with a couple of heat lamps in attendance (possibly as witnesses?) and the children watching from the house.
To date, that wedding has not happened, but if Katie hangs on to the balloon arch she’s already halfway there and if they angle the enormous cinema screen carefully every child in the street will be able to watch from a bedroom window as Katie and Carl say I do.
Sleb Safari looks forward to receiving its Zoom link to the lockdown love-in.
13 Going On 30 reunion
HOW cute are these two? This is the 13 Going On 30 reunion we didn’t know we needed.
Both Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo shared the picture on their social feeds and while he captioned it “Reconnecting with an old pal. Anyone know where we can get Razzles in Canada?” she went for “Wishing dust worked! And I got a perfect day with my old pal”.
Brb Re-watching 13 Going On 30
Gwyneth Paltrow's Goopified long Covid treatment called out by actual health experts
Gwyneth Paltrow got coronavirus months ago and is dealing with the unpleasant consequences of long Covid.
After consulting a “functional medicine practitioner”, Gwyneth is following a ‘treatment plan’ involving a “keto and plant-based” regime, with no sugar and alcohol but “lots of coconut aminos”, fasting until 11am every day and doing infrared saunas.
Professor Stephen Powis, national medical director for the NHS in England, had no truck with Gwyneth’s Goopified regime, saying that “serious science” should be applied and “influencers” have a responsibility.
“Like the virus, misinformation carries across borders and it mutates and it evolves,” Prof Powis said.
“So I think YouTube and other social media platforms have a real responsibility and opportunity here.
“In the last few days I see Gwyneth Paltrow is unfortunately suffering from the effects of Covid.
“We wish her well, but some of the solutions she’s recommending are really not the solutions we’d recommend in the NHS.
“We need to take long Covid seriously and apply serious science. All influencers who use social media have a duty of responsibility and a duty of care around that.”
Social Media Smut