Sleb Safari: Katie Price, a groom and two heat lamps
THE story of Matt Cardle and his almost-date with Meghan Markle has blazed across the December skies like a comet, bringing untold joy to Sleb Safari.
Matt has been reminiscing with The Sun about the days when he was single and “exchanging messages about going on a date” with Meghan.
Much like Piers Morgan and Meghan, Matt and Meghan connected on social media. Unlike Piers, Matt is much more chill about the fact he and Meghan didn’t stay in touch.
The Sun reports that Meghan and Matt talked about going on a date but then fate intervened and Matt met his girlfriend and Meghan met Prince Harry.
"It was just a very weird situation, very odd,” Matt understated. “I really don’t know how it came about. Life’s got a course and I was not on that one. I've laughed about it, but it’s amazing thinking back."
That it is Matt, that it is.
One person whose life course rivals spaghetti junction is Katie Price.
Some nine weddings and vow renewals later, Katie has found love again with Carl Woods. Carl has won her heart because he’s not interested in fame. You might recognise him from Love Island 2016 and ITV2’s Killer Camp in 2018.
Last time we checked in with Katie and Carl, a chatty ‘source’ had sat down for a socially distanced cup of coffee with Heat magazine and explained that, six months in, Katie was head over heels yet concerned that Carl was “too good to be true” and “this could end in another costly divorce and heartbreak”.
You’ve nothing to worry about Katie. Everyone knows that the couple who get their teeth done together in Turkey, stay together.
Heat has caught up with another 'source' (or the same one, it’s anyone’s guess) one month on to find out how Katie’s feeling about things now.
Sleb Safari is happy to report that the source says it’s all systems go for wedding number four although this one will be low-key.
“Katie has finally given up on her dream of having a fairytale wedding, and do it bargain-style,” the source trilled.
“With all the restrictions, there’s no way she can pull a big wedding, or go somewhere tropical.
“She’ll do whatever it takes to put something small and safe together over the Christmas period, even if it means her and Carl saying ‘I do’ in the garden with a couple of heat lamps, and her kids watching from the house.”
Sadly Heat did not clarify whether the heat lamps would double as witnesses and why the children would have to stand with their noses squashed against the glass of an upstairs window while mummy and Carl exchange vows.
There’s just something about this tableau that is so splendidly 2020 and Sleb Safari is very much looking forward to the wedding album.
Celebrity Christmas Trees
NOTHING says extra like a celebrity Christmas tree and this year’s examples are very much on message.
Khloe Kardashian helpfully posted a photo of herself in front of her tree lest we forget who was responsible for that silvery splendour. Jane Fonda’s tree is decorated to within an inch of its life and looks beautiful.
Mrs Hinch has asked a small child and a dog to stand guard over her very tasteful tree and Tan France says he’s had his tree up since Halloween.
How and ever, the finest of all those fine trees is the crooked one belonging to Kate Hudson. Sleb Safari salutes her for having the most non-celebrity of celebrity Christmas trees.
- This is a Christmas like no other and Sleb Safari hopes that you spend it safely. If you want to speak to someone you can ring Samaritans for free at any time of the day or night on 116 123 or you can chat to them online via www.samaritans.org
Parcel delivery or matchmaking?
As delivery drivers count the hours until they get a day off, Sleb Safari would like to tip its hat to the companies which have taken the courier game to a whole new level in 2020.
It used to be they arrived when they arrived and you found the package on your roof or being chewed by the neighbour’s dog. Now you get an email with a picture of the person delivering your parcel, their name and their hobbies.
“This is Seamus. He loves going to the gym and taking the dog for a walk.”
What’s the etiquette when Seamus rings the doorbell ? Do you accept the parcel or do you set him up with a friend?
Social Media Smut
This is Megan fox’s boyfriend Machine Gun Kelly! We definitely still have a chance pic.twitter.com/2O7A4tw8AT— JEDWARD (@planetjedward) December 15, 2020