Sleb Safari: Can Mo Farah run the Larne half marathon dressed as Robin Hood please?
SLEB Safari has seen the future and it is Mo Farah running the Larne half marathon dressed in the Robin Hood outfit he wore for one of his I’m A Celebrity challenges.
Mo ran it three months ago in a time of 60.27 so just think how quickly he would cover that course next year in his green tights, tunic and jaunty hat with all his I’m A Celebrity campmates cheering him on.
Jordan North at the starting line, checking Mo has Vaselined all he needs to. Beverley Callard at the halfway point handing out jelly beans. Vernon Kay behind the wheel of a car on the Coast Road with Shane Richie hanging out the window, yelling through a megaphone: “Phil Mitchell’s behind you”, AJ Pritchard at the finish line, sniffing “It’s not the way I usually work”. Russell Watson singing Nessun Dorma as Mo, Stephen Scullion and AN Other (perhaps you, who knows?) step on to the winners’ podium and Giovanna Fletcher giving every single runner a hug, telling them how amazing they are and checking they have a lift home.
This year’s I’m A Celebrity was disadvantaged by having been (necessarily) transported from the Australian jungle to a Welsh castle but it was still comfortingly familiar amid a year of upheaval and fear.
Jessica Plummer and Shane’s lengthy drinking trial was an absolute highlight. The retching, the gagging and Shane’s lunges were a sight to behold. Sleb Safari felt guilty for laughing so hard.
Shane was always good value for money. He and Beverley won a night at the Castle Inn for the campmates and everyone knows the trip to the pub and Celebrity Cyclone are the joint best episodes. Shane couldn’t wait to karaoke, one eye on a follow up album to A Country Soul; the other on his pie and pint. Jordan, bless him, had neither note nor timing but delivered a performance that is the stuff of legend.
If that tricky second album doesn’t work out for Shane he might want to float the idea of a chat show where he gently swings in a hammock while coaching celebrities to spill the beans. Incredible to think that this year's I'm A Celebrity has provided us with new episodes of both EastEnders and The Crown.
Another creative stroke was the inclusion of a wolf in one of the trials. Victoria Derbyshire had to remove a star from its collar while it stood patiently, waiting to be petted. It would have been a much better trial if they had dressed Victoria in one of those padded ‘I’m a baddie’ suits and had her chased down by a police dog with a star on its collar which she then had to remove once the animal had her pinned to the ground.
The mystery of the sprinkling tinkler who wasn’t neat and didn’t wipe the seat lasted much longer than was necessary but then the celebrities had little in the way of in-camp entertainment. Jordan vowed to launch an investigation and warned that it would be forensic. Then he fell off his chair.
We also learned that Jordan counts in elephants. There he was, standing in a corner with his hands over his eyes while the campmates hid, counting “One elephant… two elephant… three elephant… four elephant.” Jordan’s glorious innocence was a tonic.
In truth I’m A Celebrity 2020 was just what the doctor ordered and Sleb Safari was a little sorry to see it come to an end. Still, there's always next year.
Read more: If you missed the live final here's a recap
Hugh Grant's children are his harshest critics
HUGH Grant, the man who has turned self-deprecation into a charming art, has shared a story illustrating the respect in which he is held by his children.
It concerns his work as Phoenix Buchanan in Paddington 2, as told to the LA Times.
“I arranged a special screening actually and I took several of my children and they hated it. One of them turned to me after a short period of time and said, ‘Why are you in it so much?’ which was very hurtful. But I have to say subsequently they’ve come to love it.”
There’s nothing like children to keep you humble.
Mr Badger and his bum are the new fat rat
DO YOU remember the fat rat? She got stuck in a manhole cover and had to be rescued by firefighters in Germany last year.
The animal rescue team involved in the drama said the rat had gained weight during the winter and her hips were too wide for the space she was trying to squeeze through.
Well, now we’ve a similar story about a badger with a big bum.
The animal got stuck in a garden fence in England when he “misjudged the width of his backside”, according to the RSPCA.
Don’t feel bad Mr Badger, we’ve all been comfort eating our way through 2020.