Sleb Safari: Can we talk about Jordan North?
CAN we talk about Jordan North, I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!’s resident vomiter, scaredy cat and applier of verruca cream to mouth ulcers? How he managed to reach the age of 30 without serious mishap is a mystery.
Jordan is Sleb Safari’s favourite campmate and his squealing, crying, retching and chanting of “Turf Moor” during trials has been a glorious source of merriment in these troubled times. We should probably rest him though, let him sit out a trial or two, or else the camp medics will have to crack open the Gillian McKeith strength oxygen.
There’s a sweet, slightly dippy, innocence about Jordan. It was obvious he was our person from launch night, which was a low key affair.
Last year the campmates were ferried to their meeting point on a golden beach in either a yacht or luxury car. This year it was socially distanced helicopters and Land Rovers speeding past green fields to meet at a cliff. And so the tone was set.
Half the campmates were at the top of the cliff, looking foundered. The other half were at the bottom, looking foundered. They did all get the memo about the show being in north Wales this year, yeah?
The celebrities had to work together to get those at the top down safely. Jordan didn’t fancy the look of abseiling and got so worked up that he vomited. Luckily for everyone below he aimed for the bushes and not over the side. Standing under a vomitfall would be worse than any trial.
Jordan and Corrie stalwart Beverley Callard have been in a surrogate mum/son set-up since the get go. He’s turned her trouser pockets inside out to rid them of creepy crawlies (while she was wearing her trousers) and declared them friends for life. That was all in the first 24 hours.
The only fly in the ointment is that Beverley has yet to appear wearing one of Liz McDonald’s trademark tops with cut-out shoulders. Still, camping in castle ruins in Wales in November couldn’t be the cosiest.
Campmate Mo Farah must have woken up feeling the chill one morning right at the start because he went for a run around the camp but he jogged so slowly that Sleb Safari reckons it could have lapped him.
Mo has also proven to be an unadventurous eater. “Eel? It was slippery. Eugh. Quail? Mate. I’ve never had that before. Oxtail? Eugh.” By day five he was so hungry he didn’t even raise an eyebrow when the skinned squirrels were carried in on a tray.
And, as always, the campmates react to a clove of garlic as though they’ve been blindfolded, led into a room and shown tables heaving with their favourite foods.
There are now 12 campmates and we’re still getting to know them.
Shane Richie is the mischief maker; Vernon Kay loves to throw out a Family Fortune question and gets the punchline to ropey jokes in a nanosecond which tells Sleb Safari that he supplements his income by writing the inserts for Christmas crackers; Victoria Derbyshire is getting a Lidl better at telling jokes and Giovanna’s luxury item was to have S Club 7’s Reach blasted into the camp so she has become one of Sleb Safari’s top 5 favourite campmates. What an honour for her!
At this stage it’s all to play for and any one of the 12 could be crowned king or queen of Gwrych Castle, even creepy Dave the jester with his swivelling eyes. It’s that kind of year.
- If you missed last night's episode here's a recap
The Rock got stuck in a sports car
ANOTHER week, another example of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson being extra. Last month he ripped electric gates off a wall so as not to be late for work, this month he’s causing havoc on the set of his new film.
The Rock’s been filming a heist movie for Netflix and all was going swimmingly until the scene where he had to “hop” into an “iconic Porsche and be the bad-ass behind the wheel that I am” for “an insane chase sequence”.
The only problem was that The Rock, current size: Barn door, couldn’t squeeze into the car and filming had to be stopped while they figured out a way around it. As an added bonus, the car had been bought and shipped to the US especially for the film.
The Rock describes the scene: “DJ attempts to get into the car only to get stuck because his back is a bit too wide… DJ continues to struggle trying to shimmy into this Porsche like a big ass brown marshmallow getting shoved into a coin slot.”
As the man says, welcome to 2020.
Tracee Ellis Ross is a style icon
Tracee Ellis Ross has been named as a style icon award at the People's Choice Awards and is it any flipping wonder? Look at her here, posing up a storm in the bathroom in a a heavenly trouser suit