Sleb Safari: Bee warned, David Beckham has honey and he means business
Until recently Sleb Safari had a very clear idea of how David Beckham was passing the time during this pandemic. In a nutshell, he was going for long walks in the countryside dressed like a Vogue shepherd.
Sleb Safari was shaken to its very core to learn that everything it thought, nay, everything it believed, about David’s pandemic past time was wrong. So, so wrong.
It transpires that David hasn’t only been rambling in the Cotswolds with a crook in his hand and a cap on his head, he’s been bothering bees on the side. That’s right, David Beckham has become an apiarist.
You thought you were super cute with your freshly baked banana bread, but Beekeeper Beckham has gone bigger and better.
The Sun reports that David is going to bottle and sell organic honey from his Beckham bees after getting a real buzz (eye roll) from what started as “a fun hobby”.
A source told The Sun: "Beekeeping started as a fun hobby early in lockdown but now David has become a bit obsessed. He has all the gear and even built a hive.
“He finds it a total antidote to his mad London and Miami life. But David is also very smart. He can see the logic behind adding to his already impressive business portfolio with authentic, clean and natural brands, which is what people are after nowadays.
“This isn’t about money, though – it truly is a passion project.”
Hhhhm. When someone talks about adding to an “already impressive business portfolio with authentic, clean and natural brands” it’s pretty clear The Sun hasn’t been chatting to the next door neighbour.
How do we see this playing out? Is David going to start flogging Sticky Eau de Bee Beckham at a local farmer's markets for £9.99 per vial or will this authentic, clean, natural brand be exclusive to the Harrods’ food hall?
Sleb Safari is putting its money on the latter. As luck would have it David is reportedly in talks with both Netflix and the BBC to host his own cookery show, produced by his company Studio 99.
That’s also according to a source in The Sun.
“One of the unintended benefits of lockdown for David has been the opportunity to do what he loves most – baking,” the source said.
“He’s been recreating some of his mum’s old recipes, and got a load of pots and pans for his birthday recently.
“David’s also used this time to really focus on Studio 99, and initially chatted to Gordon about the pair doing an Instagram Live.
“He’s seen how well Gordon has done with his own cookery shows and his Studio Ramsay production company, and Gordon’s given him some great advice.”
What a wonderful idea; but whatever will David cook?
Honey roast duck? Honey glazed roasted root vegetables? Crumpets with burnt honey butter? Honeyed peach & pistachio Pavlova?
You’re right, it’s an absolute mystery.
Spiderman in the frame for pot plant theft
NOT two minutes ago someone bought a house plant with four leaves for £4,000 and now, here we are, dealing with the fall our from the theft of a rare, variegated monstera from the botanic gardens in Christchurch, New Zealand.
2020 you are a monster.
The plant had “particularly nice” leaves, according to Wolfgang Bopp, director of the Christchurch Botanic Gardens, who fears it is being touted as the deal of the week on the black market. And everyone knows plants need sunlight.
Mr Bopp said the botanic gardens are for everyone to enjoy.
“We don’t want to lock everything away, we just ask that people don’t damage or take plants.”
Keeping his tone light and breezy, Mr Bopp said the monstera live in the orchid house and the thief had scaled a high glass wall to get in. It's abundantly clear Mr Bopp’s not going to say it – but Sleb Safari will. This was the work of Spiderman.
Jodie Comer's plaits and Matt Damon's mullet
Matt Damon is back filming in Ireland a mere handful of months after spending a “fairytale” lockdown in Dallkey.
In between times he hot footed it back home to the US but the memory of him carrying his swimming gear in a SuperValu bag is fresh, still.
Matt is filming The Last Duel in Tipperary along with Jodie Comer and Adam Driver. It’s a medieval tale, set in France and that’s as much as Sleb Safari needs to know for now.
What interests it more are Jodie and Matt’s hairstyles.
Jodie’s plaits are giving off Princess Leia vibes but Matt’s mullet gives him the look of a man who went feral during lockdown. This is going to be one interesting film.
Social Media Smut
Guys, I don’t know about you but things got a little weird for me in quarantine. I ended up accidentally locking myself in my 7 year old daughter’s room. And I ended up finding my inner child. So this is what I created for my little girl. From what is, I guess, the little girl in me. Thanks for reading. #Sparkella bit.ly/OneAndOnlySparkella