GEMMA Collins has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize which makes perfect sense as it’s 2020 and society is currently up Schitt’s Creek without a paddle.
Gemma was nominated by the Romford Research Institute for Peace which sounds vaguely legitimate but don’t be fooled, this institution was established by YouTube pranksters Josh Pieters and Archie Manners for the sole purpose of proposing GC as the purveyor of peace to North Korea.
Archie says there is no finer diplomat than the Towie alumnus.
"The GC has spent 39 years promoting peace and harmony across Essex – and beyond,” he told The Sun.
"If you look at what peace really means, take for example her on-off relationship with James Argent – no-one died.
"It was a conflict that did appear to be resolved peacefully and we at the Romford Research Institute think this is a great demonstration of world peace."
Josh believes that the businesswoman and reality TV star is a front runner.
"We believe in the GC effect, which is a peer reviewed hypothesis that if Gemma spent a long weekend in North Korea she could use the skills as seen in Towie to attempt to bring peace to the region."
Archie had one final comment on the matter: "Not only are we saying GC is an incredibly peaceful person but at the Romford Research Institute we are saying, if Donald Trump is going to be nominated and publicly celebrate this nomination at his election rallies – then why not Gemma Collins?”
Gemma wouldn’t be the first celebrity to tackle North Korea. After several visits, basketball player Dennis Rodman found a “friend for life” in Kim Jong-un.
Dennis has been the self-appointed US sports envoy to North Korea for several years now and speaks highly of the “good kid” who is leading that most harmonious and healthy of countries.
In 2013 an exasperated, yet noble, Dennis told Sports Illustrated: "My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it’s been left to me to smooth things over, I don’t know."
By 2018 things still hadn’t been smoothed out.
"Every time I see him, he’s always calm, he’s always smiling, especially with his family," Dennis explained patiently to Good Morning Britain.
"To me, in person, if you see him he’s just like anybody else. He's a dictator to his people, he tries to be a madman."
Dennis has done his best, no-one can fault him on his diplomatic efforts but perhaps it’s time that the GC had a crack at it. Let’s see Gemma descending from a private plane on to the tarmac in Pyongyang and greeting Kim Jong-un with the immortal words “Are you OK hun?”
Putting aside the nuclear weaponry and the regime’s penchant for the abuse of human rights, what’s the worst that can happen?
Save our soap stars from the overlords of the sky
AND so to the English seaside where EastEnders actor Maisie Smith felt the red hot fury of a hungry seagull but lived to tell the tale.
Maisie, who plays Tiffany Butcher-Baker in EastEnders, is partial to a fish finger bap when she’s at the beach.
There she was, minding her own business and enjoying the fruits of the sea, battered and prostrated on a white bap, when a seagull approached at speed, beak wide, eyes on the prize.
We don’t know what went wrong for the seagull but we do know that Maisie says it bit her instead.
She shared a photograph on Instagram from that traumatic day trip but it’s a before shot, simply captioned: "This was the day a giant seagull bit my face tryna eat my fish finger bap".
Truly these are troubling times. How can we keep our soap stars safe when even the very skies pose a threat? We need a task force and we need it now.
Dwayne Johnson must really love his job
THERE’S loving your job and then there’s ripping an electric gate off a wall with your bare hands so that you’re not late for work.
There’s really only one person who’d contemplate the latter and that’s wrestler turned actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Picture the scene: the electricity goes off during a storm, jamming Dwayne’s electric gate shut. Dwayne needs to get to work because there’s a cast and crew of hundreds depending on him. The stakes are high. What should he do? Wait the 45 minutes for an electrician or rip the darn thing off the wall?
Over to Dwayne: “So I did what I had to do. I pushed, pulled and ripped the gate completely off myself. Tore it out of the brick wall, severed the steel hydraulics and threw it on the grass.
“My security team was able to meet the gate technician and welders about an hour later — and they were apparently, ‘in disbelief and equally scared’.
“Not my finest hour, but I had to go to work.”
Dwayne, we're all scared and in disbelief.
