YES, that is flour artfully smudged on Sleb Safari’s temple. How did it get there? Oh, just making a little bread. You think it looks delicious? Thank you for saying so. Made it before? Oh no, this was Sleb Safari’s absolute first time, promise, and if you’ll just excuse it for a moment it has to post pictures on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter else this bread doesn’t exist.
Gosh! Yes! That is a banana bread you spy on the counter. Silly Sleb Safari didn’t realise it had left that in view. What a goose.
All lies of course, Sleb Safari doesn’t have time to bake; too busy keeping tabs on the neighbours. And if you’re not spying, baking or making TikToks are you even on lockdown?
One man who is not wasting one precious moment on idle thoughts is Matt Goss, the more, shall we say, ‘intense’ of the Bros twins.
Matt lives in Las Vegas where he has them convinced he’s Frank Sinatra reincarnated. Matt has been mulling over his options once he retires from the entertainment industry and has whittled down what is surely an exhaustive list to one thing – prime minister of Britain.
He’s 53 now and says he’ll wait until he’s 60 to throw his fedora in the ring.
Matt shared his political aspirations with The Mirror and wants everyone to know that he won’t be running on a ‘clap for conkers’ ticket. Will you ever forget Matt’s impassioned argument in the Bros documentary After The Screaming Stops about how health and safety had destroyed the game of conkers?
Should the British government be in the market for a consultant who says things like “I made a conscious decision because of Stevie Wonder not to be superstitious” then Matt has advice aplenty.
Right now, he says, what the government needs to do is freeze all mortgages and rents with immediate effect and not look for a “magic button” for a lockdown exit strategy.
Between now and his 60th birthday Matt is limbering up to host a chat show. He dabbled in that entertainment form last year and aced it, naturally.
For his new chat show he wants guests and he wants a sofa but not guests on a sofa at the same time.
“I want to do a show that’s not about me. I want it to be good conversation, fun and emotional,” Matt explains.
“There would be three individual guests but I don’t want my guests to share a couch.
“I think that being interviewed sometimes you feel like you don’t have enough time. I want to have a slightly deeper dive. Something that has a sexy vibe.”
It was all going so well until he mentioned a sexy vibe. *Shudder*
Matt, we wish you all the best with both the chat show and your political aspirations and look forward to seeing you appoint either Rick Astley or Sonia as secretary of state for Northern Ireland.
Simon Biles shows the boys what a real impossible challenge looks like
HAVE you seen the handstand challenge loved by fit slebs? Tom Holland kicked things off by posting a video of him putting on a t-shirt while doing a handstand against a wall and challenged Jake Gyllenhaal to try it. He did, and a few others followed.
How and ever, US gymnast Simone Biles handed them their butts when she removed a pair of tracksuit bottoms while doing a freestanding handstand ie: feet in the air, not against a wall.
And the gold medal goes to Simon Biles. Again.
Social Media Smut
You have to love Mariah Carey. This is the photo she chose to wish her boyfriend a happy birthday. She’s front and centre while only half his face is visible. Classic Mariah, never change.
Demi and Bruce know you’re wondering why he’s quarantining in her house and not with his wife and two young daughters but (a) it’s nobody’s business and (b) it’s nobody’s business. And again, that’s a lot of adults under one roof for weeks on end.
