Sleb Safari: Gemma Collins has got Christmas wrapped up

Gemma Collins and boyfriend James Argent out on the town. Picture by Matt Crossick/PA Wire

STEP away from the gift bag – Sleb Safari has the only Christmas wrapping paper you’ll need. It bears the face of our guru/hero/queen/ Gemma Collins and Christmas will be a washout if you do not order it pronto. In fact, why not do what Sleb Safari is about to and order enough to wallpaper the house?

Sleb Safari has been catching up on episodes of Escape To The Chateau of late and feels inspired by Angel’s effortless redecorating of a 45-room castle. Angel will be furious that she didn’t think to paper at least one salon with Gemma Collins wallpaper. Furious.

The A3 sheets show Gemma wearing a pink Santa hat and what is best described as a serious expression. Now, Sleb Safari is not suggesting a snowman would make for cheerier wrapping paper, that’s simply your interpretation.

The person creating and flogging this wrapping paper on Etsy says it’s “illustrated and handmade to perfection, created at 300dpi and will be printed at a high quality".

Is it recyclable? Probably not. But you just know that the recipient of a Christmas present wrapped in this paper is going to open it, admire the gift and then run to get the iron to smooth out the creases so it can be re-used.

Roll into Christmas with this Gemma Collins wrapping paper

As always the GC is the gift that keeps giving.

The GC doesn’t sit on her laurels. She’s a busy lady. When she’s not riding a camel with Arg in Dubai she’s filming The Only Way Is Essexmas 2019 and when she's not filming she’s nipping around town in her trusted Nissan Micra popping envelopes of cash through people’s letterbox.

Gemma has been explaining her charitable giving to the Daily Star.

“They never know it's from me. I just slip it through their door. I don't have to know them directly, but if I know a family is struggling or if I see things on Facebook where a tragedy has happened then I'll go through various people and find out where they are, and that's what I like to do.”

The people who love and are loved by Gemma needn’t be thinking they’re getting luxe Christmas gift this year because the GC is of the opinion that “Christmas is too consumer-driven now”.

“I think there's a lot of pressure on people at Christmas because everyone gets so stressed at this time of the year.”

Gemma added: “The most valuable thing I can give anybody is my time because I'm so busy…”

It’s a lovely thought Gemma but Sleb Safari could really do with a new yoga mat. Bits fall off every time it’s unfurled. The yoga mat isn’t in great nick either.

The GC will, however, “probably” make an exception for on-again off-again boyfriend Arg.

“But I personally don't need anything.”

Arg, listen up. When Gemma says she doesn't need anything she is not speaking to you. Do not take her at her word. You don't need to go all out on a new Nissan Micra with all the trimmings but you do need to leave something under the tree. The GC is all about protecting the planet so how about you make a donation to 'adopt' an iceberg and name it after her? It'll take Gemma Collins: Dancing On Ice to a whole new level.


Jason Donovan wants Kylie Minogue and Guy Pearce to join him on Ramsey Street

FOR a generation of Neighbours fans Jason Donovan will always be Scott Robinson. And Kylie, well, she's lived a life in two parts but it's the first half we're talking about here. She's Charlene Mitchell, mechanic and wife of Scott Robinson.

Neighbours turns 35 next year and the pressure's on Jason and Kylie to make a comeback. Jason has addressed the matter in Radio Times and turned the spotlight on Kylie and Guy Pearce who played their friend Mike.

“It doesn’t feel like something I need to do. I have absolute respect for the show and what it’s given me, but the problem with going back would be that the publicity becomes bigger than the moment,” he explained

“If Guy, Kylie and me agreed we’d all do three episodes, that’d be different because we’d be sharing it.”

Over to you Guy and Kylie.


Competition - Win a bottle of Ninth Wave gin

SLEB Safari has one bottle of Ninth Wave gin to give away. In Celtic mythology, a mystical place known as the Otherworld islands lies far out to sea and is home to the sea god Mac Lir. Otherworld is untouched by sickness and death and can only be reached by conquering the Ninth Wave, the most powerful of all waves and the barrier separating the earthly world from the Otherworld.

Ninth Wave gin is produced at the Hinch distillery near Ballynahinch in Co Down and there is one bottle up for grabs.

To be in with a chance to win answer the following question correctly:

In Celtic mythology which giant of a man created Lough Neagh by scooping up handfuls of earth and clodding it at a rival?

You must be 18 to enter this competition and usual Irish News rules apply. Email your answer to with 'Sleb Safari/Ninth Wave gin' in the subject line. Please include your address and phone number. The competition closes at noon on Wednesday December 11.

The winners of a £50 voucher for ladies shopping night at Hillmount Garden Centre in Ards are

  • Pauline Murray from Comber
  • Lily Devlin from Portaferry

Spend wisely!


Social Media Smut

Enjoy reading the Irish News?

Subscribe now to get full access