MY fiance and I have been going out together for eight years and have been engaged for the past three.
In spite of this it seems I'm no nearer to actually getting married as, whenever I try and suggest a date, he says he's not ready to settle down yet.
He doesn't seem to understand why I get so upset about it, but I'm 31 now and I want to be married and have children.
I pointed out to him that, when we got engaged, he did ask me to marry him, but he just says we're fine as we are for now.
What really hurts too is that he spends so little time with me - he's always out with his mates.
He's even arranged to go on a golfing trip to France with them after Christmas - without me, of course.
He never even asked if I wanted to go or if I had other plans that might involve him, he just assumed I'd be okay with it.
I don't have a lot of friends and there's certainly nobody I could go on holiday with.
I'm feeling hurt and rejected, but he says I am overreacting.
I really don't want to break up, but I can't go on like this - not knowing where we are going.
Is there any hope for us and anything I can do?
JA
FIONA SAYS: What worries me most about your email is not once do you suggest you love this man.
I don't like to suggest to people that a relationship may be over, but I think you'd be the first to agree that things are not good here.
Even after three years of being engaged he is still being evasive about when you will get married.
Furthermore, excluding you from holiday plans is not the sort of behaviour you'd expect from someone if they really cared about you.
Sadly, it seems you are no nearer to getting to grips with what your fiance wants from life than you were three years ago.
Possibly further away in fact because, at least then, he appeared to be certain that he wanted to marry you.
He says you are overreacting, but I don't think that's true and, if his behaviour is hurting you, it's hurting you and he needs to accept that.
He may be fine as he is, but you are not.
He's probably quite happy to be seen by his mates as having a steady relationship with a devoted fiance without any real commitment on his part. He's got his cake and he's eating it.
You say you don't have a lot of friends and I think this needs to change - even though I suspect it's not something you'd find easy to do.
Please don't sit around waiting for him to make up his mind; you need to develop relationships outside of this one.
I'm not suggesting you two-time your fiance, just that you need to build a social circle that doesn't depend on him.
He goes out and about with his mates and you need to do the same - don't sit indoors waiting for him to return; build a life for yourself that doesn't depend on his company.
You don't need to break up if you're not ready too, but you do need to make new friends and develop outside interests.
This will not only help you to deal with your loneliness, but will also show him that you are not dependent on him for all your social activity.
It may also give him the wake-up call he needs and make him realise you won't wait for ever.
Once you feel more supported and have more confidence in yourself, you can decide if he's still the man for you.
If he's still treating you as selfishly as he is now, then reconsider.
You don't want to be stuck with someone who values having fun over you and a family - and he needs to realise that.
AM I GAY?
I'VE been married for the past six years but have never been happy.
We were pushed together by family, and because of their involvement I don't feel I can leave him.
My problem, though, is I have become very attracted to a female friend.
She knows nothing about this and, I am sure, would be horrified to learn that I feel this way about her, although I feel closer to her than I have ever felt to my husband.
I've been fantasising about having a relationship with her - even though she has never given me any sign that she is interested in anything more than friendship.
She always has time to listen to my increasingly irate grumbles about my marriage, and I know she is the one true friend who will always stand by me.
I'm reluctant to tell her how I feel because I couldn't bear to frighten her away.
All of which is leading me up to asking the hard question - do you think I am gay or bisexual?
WS
FIONA SAYS: You may very well be gay or bi-sexual but then again, this could be a reaction to the cold and loveless marriage you seem to be trapped in.
Inevitably you will look for comfort, kindness and warmth from someone special who is being sympathetic - that's human nature.
Although you don't tell me what's wrong with your marriage, you should take a long hard look at what it is that is keeping you trapped within it.
If there is no chance of improving things then, frankly, I feel the only option is for you to find a way out - however difficult that may be.
This would then leave you free to consider your sexuality and what you want from a relationship.
As for telling your friend how you feel, I suggest you sound out her attitudes towards same sex relationships first.
If she seems open to the idea of them, then perhaps you could sound out whether she's ever considered having one herself.
Tread cautiously, though, if you detect any reluctance or opposition to the idea.
You need her friendship right now and, if you do find a way out of your marriage, I suspect you'll need it more than ever.
I WANT TO BE A NURSE - HOW DO I DO IT?
I moved to the UK a couple of months ago and love it.
I have leave to stay permanently and have decided that what I want to do is train to be a nurse.
I've written to all the local hospitals, though, and none of them have replied.
I know I'll have to be trained from scratch, but surely, I'm not too old - I'm 29.
OB
FIONA SAYS: I'm sure you're not too old, but training to be a nurse no longer involves getting a job at a hospital.
These days you need a degree in nursing, and you need to be registered with the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC).
Nurses are required to have high levels of technical skills and decision making, and aside from studying at college, you learn these by spending time in a hospital setting.
It's not the hospital that takes you on and trains you any more though, that generally falls to a university (or university hospital), each of which will have its own entry requirements.
That usually means you'll need around five GCSEs plus two A-levels, or their equivalent.
If you don't have those qualifications, you could consider the role of Health Care Assistant - for which there are no formal educational requirements.
You should consider getting work experience before you apply so you'll know what it's like to work in health care.
You could gain that by volunteering at a care facility or hospital for a while.
The Royal College of Nursing website (rcn.org.uk) has all the information you need about nursing training.
There is also a section on health care assistants which could be valuable to you.
Don't give up!
If this is what you really want to do, work at finding a way into this that suits you.
MY HUSBAND WILL NOT STOP DOING DIY
WHEN we first got married, we had no money but were lucky enough to be able to afford to buy a flat.
It was in a terrible state and my husband worked tirelessly to do it up.
As a result, he's become really good at DIY but now, even though we have a nice house and both have well-paid, full-time jobs, he still won't give up creating chaos.
The kids and I have to tiptoe around whatever it is he's doing, and he gets grumpy if anyone offers to help.
Most evenings and every weekend the entire house is turned into his own private workshop, and although I like what he's doing, I just wish he'd finish and let us enjoy our home.
These days we could afford to pay someone if we wanted to, so why does he go on creating more DIY jobs to do?
AN
FIONA SAYS: It sounds like what was once a necessity for your husband has now become a hobby - and like many hobbies it has become something of an obsession.
Compromise is needed here and he's going to have to understand that, while you appreciate what he's doing, you and the children would rather spend time with him than have a perfect house.
You need to find a moment when he's not working on a project and sit him down for a chat and explain to him how you and the children are feeling.
Decide in advance how much DIY time you think is acceptable; personally, I'd be pushing for an end to evening work and at least one weekend a month to be kept as family time as a minimum.
You'll both have to compromise though - he clearly loves building a wonderful home for you and your children, but this should be at the expense of your relationship.
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