I LOVE my husband, but he has always had a drinking issue and when we first met, he would have 10 drinks daily.
Things did improve to the point where he would only drink once or twice a week.
That is until about a month ago, when he again started drinking large amounts almost every day.
Now I don't want to be around him and hate it if he's drinking when I get home from work.
I've told him that I really don't like the amount that he drinks, but he says he wants to relax and it's not hurting anybody – and what's more, he's an adult and can do what he likes. I find this hurtful and it makes me think he doesn't love me anymore.
When we argue about this (which happens a lot) he calls me a s****y wife and a terrible mother.
He also says that if I don't take care of him and his drinking, he will find someone else who will.
Please help, I am at the end of my tether and just don't know what to do.
MG
FIONA SAYS: Ten drinks a day is not a drinking issue, it's a drink problem. Not only is your husband wrecking his family life, he's probably also doing irreparable harm to his health.
He needs help but, unless he accepts that he has a problem (something alcoholics are reluctant to do), nothing you've said about him leads me to believe he is going to change any time soon.
He's selfish, inconsiderate and shows you little or no respect.
Moreover, he seems willing to swap you for someone else the moment you stop facilitating his drinking; hardly the actions of a loving husband.
Given this, my first thought is to suggest that you take yourself and your children out of this toxic environment and make it clear that you're not coming back unless he gets help.
However, you say that you still love him, so are you willing to try and help him to change?
He's managed to reduce his drinking to reasonable levels once, so there's no reason why he can't do it again.
Something seems to have triggered his excessive drinking again about a month ago and it may help if you could identify what this was.
Perhaps a change in his job, other stress at work or a health issue?
Try to get him to talk about this.
Choose a moment when he's still relatively sober and ask him if something is bothering him and explain that you want to help.
Try to stay calm and avoid blame or criticism.
However, if he starts being aggressive or argumentative, walk away and try again another time.
To help you through this process you may find it helpful to contact Al-Anon (al-anonuk.org.uk), a charity that provides support and advice for people affected by someone else's drinking.
It operates a confidential helpline, online virtual meetings and a network of support groups that offer regular meetings.
This is likely to be a difficult and perhaps a lengthy task, even with Al-Anon's help, and there is no guarantee that it will work.
As such, you may want to consider setting a time limit on how long you're prepared to give him before reverting to my Plan A.
HOW DO I GET OUT OF MY BROTHER'S STAG DO?
My brother's stag do is in June and I'm his best man.
We're going to Magaluf and the whole trip will revolve around drinking and partying.
My problem is, I suffer with bad anxiety and get panic attacks.
These are particularly bad in unfamiliar places, especially if I have to fly to get there, which I hate.
To make matters worse still, too much alcohol makes my anxiety 10x worse, especially the next day.
I've been anxious about this stag do since the start of the year, and I really don't want to do it. However, my brother will be hugely disappointed if I drop out.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place!
What should I do?
CW
FIONA SAYS: If you really can't cope with this trip or it's going to make you ill, you need to speak to your brother and soon.
Better to drop out now while there's still time to draft in a replacement, if needed.
He may well be disappointed, but if you explain the reasons you can't go (as you have to me in your letter) he should be able to forgive you.
Stress that you still want to be his best man and, to lessen the blow, you could suggest an additional event in the UK.
It could be shorter, not focused on alcohol and perhaps with just your brother and one or two close friends.
He can't really object to two stag bashes.
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS TRYING TO ORGANISE OUR WEDDING
I have just got engaged and plan to be married in July next year. We've only just started to discuss wedding plans, so I was shocked when I found out that my mother-in-law to be has already approached some caterers, a reception venue near her house and a photographer.
What's worse, she's even spoken to her local church.
The thing is, neither of us wants a church wedding and we want to make our own plans.
I know I need to tread carefully here but, the more I think about it, the angrier I become.
What can we do?
HS
FIONA SAYS: You need to nip this in the bud quickly.
Your fiance needs to have a quiet word with his mother and explain that, while you value her help, she really should have discussed all of this with you beforehand.
Then he should make it clear, tactfully, that you want to make your own plans and that this does not include a church wedding.
Hopefully, she will realise that she has made a mistake and be able to cancel whatever arrangements she has made.
However, it might ease potentially troubled waters if you were able to offer her one of the wedding tasks; perhaps organising the flowers, the cake or the caterers.
Whatever happens, don't forget to enjoy the day - your day, not hers.
MY FRIENDS DON'T SEEM TO APPROVE OF MY YOUNGER MAN
The new man in my life is 13 years younger than me and is now living with me. I am 53 and for some reason the age gap seems to bother people. My grown-up children seem OK with it, but my friends are being standoffish.
When we first got together, they were keen to meet him, but now, after he's moved in, I haven't had a single invite to visit any of them. What's going on – I've known some of these people for 20 years? Surely, they can't disapprove of us living together, not in the 21st century.
AH
FIONA SAYS: How odd, I would have expected friends to be delighted that you were happily in love again.
Perhaps they feel awkward or maybe concerned that this man is too young and won't stay the distance.
Either way, it still seems a strange way to treat a long-term friend. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps all they need is a bit more time to get to know him. Rather than wait for invites I suggest you arrange a few social occasions of your own and see how they react.
If they still shun you, they might not be the friends you thought they were, and perhaps it's time to look for new ones.
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