TO THE fraught world of carb consumption, where those who abstain sit on one side of the table and those who partake have their head in the bread basket. Who’s happier? Impossible to tell – impossible to discuss, even, as one group have their mouths full.
Step forward Don Johnson, he of the rolled-up Sonny Crockett sleeves and brooding gaze.
Don says he has “simplified” his life by giving up all the things that don’t “serve” him, namely alcohol, carbs and sugar.
“Everything gets easier when you question whether or not it serves you, and if it doesn’t serve you in a way to make you behave in a better way, you’ve got to get rid of it,” he told The Times.
“I have found a way of simplifying my world. I don’t eat sugar or grain. I eat everything else. I have discovered the key to controlling your moods and your weight and your health is to control your blood sugar. It’s a very efficient fuel for the body.”
That it is Don, that it is. But don’t you miss toast? And soda? And hot cross buns? And scones? And sandwiches?
Now that we’re clear where he stands on bread Don addresses the thing he’s best known for besides stubble and Miami Vice – his love of love.
Don is full of praise for the women he has been in relationships with. Take Barbra Streisand for example. She’s “a wonderful, wonderful woman, and very funny” and the pair “are friends to this day”.
Don says he remains friends with the people he connects with “because they are unique and extraordinary beings and the world is a better place when they’re here”.
He enjoyed Melanie Griffith’s company so much that he married her twice. Divorced her twice too. But she’s also wonderful.
“Melanie and I have loved each other since we were kids,” he continued.
“Love doesn’t die. It changes in volume and intensity but it never dies, and I feel the same way about life. We are energy. Energy doesn’t die, it just transforms, and that’s the way I feel about love.”
Bet he’s used that line to explain away many a misdemeanour. Don also does a good line in forgiveness, which begs the question: did these relationships end because the wonderful ladies in question were carb fiends?
“If you forgive everybody – all your family, all your friends and lovers – and release all the resentments and anger, there is happiness. I don’t want to hold any anger towards someone, because that doesn’t help you.”
Seriously, it’s like listening to Mr Miyagi. Did Don become so Zen just by cutting out potato bread? Sign Sleb Safari up to this carb-free situation pronto.
Holidays just got easier with this robot suitcase
IN the second of a new series on things you didn't know you needed in your life, allow Sleb Safari to present to you, hot on the heels of last week’s bum bag sliders, the robot suitcase.
Imagine this little BB-8 lookalike rolling along behind you at the airport, taking care of itself, leaving you to look serene and vacay ready.
The Gita was dreamt up by the people responsible for the Vespa and Sleb Safari is confident it could find very many uses for it outside the airport, not least transporting the shopping to the car. It is going right to the top of the Santa list immediately.
Mariah Carey Loves To Festivate
MARIAH Carey has finally confirmed what we all suspected; she keeps her Christmas decorations up all year round.
“I just want to experience Christmas, I love the holidays, what can I say?” Mariah told Lorraine.
Listen Mariah, you don’t need to explain it to us. Your fans love and accept you just the way you are – festive and fabulous.
Mariah said her mum tried to make Christmas special even when she was struggling to make ends meet.
“My parents were divorced, my mom didn’t have a lot of money, she tried to make it festive no matter what, even if she just wrapped up fruit.”
Wrapping fruit in Christmas paper is inventive but it’s moving too. After hearing that Sleb Safari doesn’t begrudge Mariah a single snowflake in her Aspen bikini snow selfies.
Social Media Smut
Zoe Kravitz on Instagram - When you go to the bar and miss the photoshoot
