I'VE been married for 11 years and, on the surface, everything seems fine.
I'll admit we're not as close as we once were, but we're happy in each other's company and we go out together a lot.
We have two great children, our own home and no money worries.
So why do I feel that something is wrong?
Why do I think my husband is having an affair and about to leave me any day now?
There's nothing to suggest he is having an affair, but I just can't shake the feeling that he's seeing someone else.
I check through his pockets when I do the washing and last week, I managed to go through his emails when he left his tablet logged on.
I didn't find anything, but I still feel so worried. Yesterday, he nearly caught me trying to access his work mobile phone.
I pretended that I'd picked it up in error, thinking it was mine, but I'm not sure he believed me.
I feel that it's only a matter of time before I just accuse him and get it over with.
Would this be such a bad thing?
BH
FIONA SAYS: Accusing him of cheating might go one of two ways.
On the positive side, it might give him an insight into how you're feeling and explain some of your recent actions; he might then be able to give you the reassurance you need.
On the negative side, he might take it the wrong way and you could end up damaging what is, probably, a good marriage.
Nothing in his behaviour points to an affair, so do you really want to take the risk of bringing it up without solid proof?
I know you have doubts and worries, but is it possible that these stem from your own feelings of insecurity, and it's these feelings that are causing you to jump to the wrong conclusion?
It's not uncommon for couples in long-term relationships to be less demonstrative in their love for each other.
This can often lead to one (or both) of them feeling like they're being taken for granted.
Making unfounded accusations is not the way to resolve this.
I think it would be better to share your worries that you don't seem to be as close as you used to be.
Hopefully, this will open a dialogue, reassure you, and enable you both to work at becoming closer.
If you find that you still have doubts, I think you could benefit from chatting with a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk). Either through an online chat service, by phone or face-to-face, their trained counsellors can help you to resolve these problems.
11 years is a long time to be together. To risk losing what you have without working at resolving matters would be a real shame.
Your own self-worth may be behind these fears, rather than any infidelity on your husband's part. If this is the case, I think you should take some time to boost your own confidence.
Why not take up doing something you really enjoy? It might start small, but if you could grow it to a passion, you might find you'd feel better about yourself and these fears would go away.
I'm worried about my daughter moving out
AFTER Christmas, my daughter plans to start renting a flat with some friends.
The news came as a real shock, because I thought that she was happy living at home.
She's only just turned 19 and I worry constantly about how she will cope.
She's only just started working and plans to start an accountancy course too.
I also worry about her future flatmates, as some of them are a bit on the wild side.
I know she is technically an adult, but should I be doing more to talk her out of this?
What could I have done to make her do this?
How have I failed her?
JW
FIONA SAYS: I suspect this has nothing to do with her being unhappy at home and everything to do with her need to gain independence.
She's not "technically an adult". She is an adult, with the maturity to know her own mind, plans for the future and the confidence to strike out on her own.
That's not failure, it's good parenting.
It will certainly hurt when she goes, but I think it would be a mistake to try to talk her out of it, as that could cause ill-will. It might end up pushing her away.
Instead, be supportive and encouraging; offer what help you can and make sure she knows useful skills. Show her how to use a washing machine, how to cook and so forth.
Let her know that, whatever she tries to do, you will support her. While I wouldn't say it directly, let her know she can always return home if she wants to.
I'm worried about getting rejected
EARLY this year, I met someone at a conference and we got on well. We spent all of our free time together and although we didn't share a bed, it was clear that we fancied each other.
On the last day, I was disappointed to learn that he lives on the other side of the country.
Recognising that a relationship couldn't work on this basis, we exchanged email addresses, swapped social media links and said our goodbyes.
We've chatted online a few times since then, but it's not been serious.
I've just found out that my company is closing this office and has offered to relocate me. The new office is very close to where he lives.
I really want to see if he's still interested, but the problem is I'd be really embarrassed if he's moved on or, worse yet, isn't interested at all.
What should I do?
KT
FIONA SAYS: Nobody likes rejection but what's the alternative if you don't contact him? A lifetime of regret that you might have let someone wonderful slip through your fingers!
Send him a message explaining about the move and suggest a get together.
You could just phrase it that you'd appreciate some help in getting to know the area and take it from there.
What have you got to lose but a bit of pride?
I'm not sure how to tell my kids I'm seeing someone new
MY ex-husband visits regularly to see our three children – they're 11, 13 and 14.
They love their father very much and I do all I can to keep the visits on a friendly footing.
I still feel bitter about the divorce as he is now living with someone else, but I manage to keep this to myself.
My problem is that I have now met someone else and it looks like it's getting serious.
I would like him to be able visit me at home and perhaps stay the night, but I am worried my children will resent this, or think I'm trying to replace their father.
The last thing I want to do is to cause them more upset. What should I do?
AN
FIONA SAYS: From what you have said, I doubt there is anything you could do that would change how your children feel about their father.
They seem old enough to have accepted that their father can see someone else, so why not you too?
I suggest you continue to see your new man. To move things on, arrange an outing or two, together with your children, where you can introduce him as a friend.
See how they react and then move onto visits at home when you judge the time to be right.
Try not to make a big issue of any of this and you'll probably find that they won't either.
If they like him, they may even be delighted that you've found someone too.
:: If you have a problem you'd like Fiona's advice with, email help@askfiona.net
