Sleb Safari: Julianne Moore – the unexpected face of orthodontics

Julianne Moore, wearing the heck out of retainers since 1989

CONGRATULATIONS of sorts to Julianne Moore who has unwittingly put herself forward as a spokeswoman for orthodontics. That’s hawt.

Interviewed in The Cut, Julianne talked in great detail about her night time routine and just about stopped short of saying “...and then I put the bin out and bleach the dishcloth”.

“It’s so boring to say, ‘I always wash my face’, but I do. But some people don’t,” she tells The Cut.

“I put on some eye cream, moisturizer, and put my retainer in and go to bed. [Laughs.] I’ve heard a lot of people say, ‘I’m supposed to wear my retainer forever?’ Yes, I have worn it every single night. And the times I haven’t, I was sorry.”

Sleb Safari doesn’t know about you but it kind of loves the image of Julianne Moore getting into her flanelette pyjamas, popping in her retainer and ear plugs and pulling her eye mask down before turning off the bedside lamp and settling down for a good eight hours’ sleep. Hollywood is soooo glamorous.

Julianne Moore, wearing the heck out of retainers since 1989

This is exactly the kind of stuff Sleb likes to hear. It doesn’t want your ‘I flop into bed without taking off my make up and wake up looking like this’ or your ‘I set intentions for the next day’ nonsense.

It wants Robert de Niro sipping a glass of prune juice before bed and looking for his spare pair of reading glasses because he lost the other pair two nights ago and can’t read his fishing magazine without them.

It wants to hear about Sandra Oh clipping her toe nails and filing the dry skin on her heels; Octavia Spencer making porridge the night before to save herself time in the morning and Denzel Washington cleaning out the food trap in his dishwasher.

Octavia Spencer in the film Gifted

It wants Chris Pratt totting up his calorie intake for the day, calculating whether he needs to do some fartlek training before bed and then stepping on a piece of Lego as he looks for his trainers.

It wants Angelina Jolie to talk about going room to room picking up six children’s worth of dirty clothes and putting a load on that will be ready to hang out in the morning if it’s dry out.

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend arrive at the 2017 Oscars. Picture byMatt Sayles, Invision/AP

It wants Chrissy Teigen and John Legend squabbling over whose turn it is to let the dog out and wait while it powders its nose.

These are the details Sleb Safari wants. You can keep your jade eggs and your Moon Dust Gwyneth, Sleb Safari wants to hear more from Julianne about retainers and real life.


Cher: The Musical

Lady Gaga accepts the award for Video of the Year from Cher at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. Picture by Matt Sayles, AP Photo 

AND so to Broadway where Cher has given the go ahead for a show based on her life.

And what a life it is. From persistent rumours about having a rib or two removed for aesthetic reasons to her fling with Tom Cruise to the fury directed her way when she, accidentally presumably, listed on ebay the key she had been given by the city of Adelaide.

She’s an emoji fiend on Twitter and A FAN OF CAPS LOCK.

The show opens on Broadway next year and had better have a wardrobe full of wigs, leotards and fishnets and an orchestra pit full of vocoders or there’s going to be a lot of very disappointed fans.

Cher in the film Burlesque



Ed Sheeran has slept on a lot of sofas

ANOTHER day another ‘Ed Sheeran used to sleep on my sofa before he became famous’ claim.

This time it’s Jamie Foxx who says Ed stayed with him “for a few weeks”.

“That’s what we all do as artists, you know. He needed a place to stay, and work on his craft and be left alone.

“So I would give him food, let him work on his music and my daughter looked in on him and said, ‘That guy’s about to be the next guy’.”

Ed Sheeran waves at all the people whose sofa he has slept on

How many more people can claim Ed slept on their sofa? Ed’s only 26 and if Sleb Safari’s calculator has done its sums right Ed would have had to sleep on two sofas a night for all these claims to be legit.

But you know what, Ed’s very driven, very focused so if he set his mind to sleeping half a night in Jamie Foxx’s house and the other half in Courteney Cox’s there’d have been no stopping him.


Social Media Smut


Celebrating #Pride w @hot995 in D.C. #AmericaLovesPride ????

A post shared by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

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