Lindsay Lohan looking increasingly unlikely to turn on the Kettering Christmas lights

If Lindsay Lohan isn't going to commit to turning on Kettering's Christmas lights it needs a plan B. Or maybe just Plan B

PAGING Lindsay Lohan, Kettering wants to know when you’re coming to switch on the Christmas lights.

Lindsay made a Twitter promise and now the town that is the home of Weetabix would like to formalise the arrangement.

People of Kettering what got into you? A Twitter promise? From Lindsay Lohan? A Twitter promise is one step up from a drunken promise so why Kettering council took this as a done deal is anyone’s guess.

It all came about on the night of the Brexit referendum when La Lohan was on Twitter chewing the political fat with her global fanbase.

Lindsay was in the Remain camp and, in a bizarre chain of events, Kettering’s Conservative MP stood up in the House of Commons and issued her with an invitation "to switch on the Christmas lights... thus redeeming her political reputation and raising money for good causes".

The always civic-minded actress replied: "Direct message me about your offer. Would be happy to light the Christmas tree in #Kettering."

However, since then there’s only been radio silence.

Philip Hollobone MP set the scene: "Yes, Lindsay Lohan said she would come to switch on the Christmas lights in Kettering, but despite everyone's best efforts it's not been possible to track her down to arrange the details of when, where and how.

"Kettering Borough Council organises the switch-on and would love to hear from her.”

He added: "The message from Kettering is: Lindsay – please get in touch! Your public awaits!"

Kettering, Northamptonshire, is twinned with Kettering, Ohio, so there is every chance Lindsay did not realise what she had agreed to and is hiding behind the sofa hoping the good people from Kettering, Northamptonshire, will stop ringing her doorbell.

A spokesman for Ms Lohan declined to comment but urged fans to "stay tuned".

For what is anyone’s guess because since making her Twitter promise Lindsay has been a very busy person.

She’s suffered an unfortunate boating accident which saw her lose half a finger which was then surgically reattached, she has also ended an engagement, visited Syria and Turkey to meet refugees and opened a nightclub in Greece.

Whether or not a party-loving humanitarian sea dog like Lindsay has time to nip over to Kettering to flick the switch is the 64 billion dollar question.

If it turns out that the Twitter promise was just that Sleb Safari is sure the Kettering council can rustle up a stand in at short notice.

Sleb Safari has it on good authority that Mr Blobby has been sitting by the phone since September 1 waiting for a council, any council, to ring.

Kettering, in these uncertain times of efficiencies and a plunging pound, wouldn’t it make sense to keep things simple and go for the more reliable option of a pink blob with yellow spots than a Holywood actress? You know what to do.


Scarlett Johansson has opened up a gourmet popcorn shop

AND so to culinary affairs and the news that Scarlett Johansson and her husband Romain Dauriac have opened a gourmet popcorn shop in Paris called Yummy Pop.

Setting aside its hatred of the word 'yummy' – no-one over the age of four should ever use it – Sleb Safari is fully supportive of the burgeoning Johansson/Dauriac popcorn empire.

The Yummy Pop shop stocks six flavours, half savoury, half sweet.

There’s Real Vermont Cheddar, Sea Salt and Truffle, Parmesan, and Sage which is Scarlett’s favourite.

The sweet flavours are Real Vermont Maple, Strawberries and Cream and Chocolate Covered Strawberries.

Scarlett, Sleb Safari would be happy to try any or all of the above. Direct message Sleb Safari and it’ll provide a delivery address.




The winners of a copy of Cathy Kelly’s new book Secrets Of A Happy Marriage are:

Eileen Hasson, Dungiven

Leona McAlister, Ballymena

Carmel Deighan, Garvagh

Sinead McCracken, Bellarena

Antoinette McGowan, Belfast



Mariah Carey might be single and ready to mingle

SAD news from Mariah Carey World (population: One) with rumours that she and fiancé James Packer have gone their separate ways.

Sleb Safari has read several reports of how the billionaire was shocked by her extravagant spending which sounds a little off since she’s a multi-millionaire in her own right and she can spend her money how she sees fit.

If might be true, it might not, but Sleb Safari will not believe it until Mariah shares the news on Instagram while lounging in a bath with full hair and make up, several million pounds worth of diamonds strung around her neck and a glass of Champagne in each hand.


Social Media Smut

Enjoy reading the Irish News?

Subscribe now to get full access