Strictly Come Dancing: Who will lift the glitterball trophy?

THERE is really only one trophy Sleb Safari would like to lift in its life and that's the Strictly Come Dancing Glitterball Trophy.

Up to the age of 13 it would have been the FA Cup but Sleb Safari's post-primary school put a stop to its football playing which had been nurtured at primary level by a coach who didn't care about the gender of his team as long as goals were scored.

Can you tell that Sleb Safari is still bitter about the whole thing?

Anyhoodle, Strictly Come Dancing starts next month and the line up is the usual mix of BBC presenters, pop stars, politicians and soap stars.

Cultivating something special at Flax Lane

Among those booked in for a weekly fake tan and shimmy are model Daisy Lowe, West End and Hollyoaks star Danny Mac, singer Anastacia, former Labour MP Ed Balls, presenter Laura Whitmore, former popstar Louise Redknapp, singer Will Young, former Xtra Factor host Melvin Odoom, Ore Oduba from breakfast TV and BBC Breakfast presenter Naga Munchetty.

Will Young sounds like he has a game plan.

"I have heard that they [the judges] are open to bribery. I am a little nervous about what Craig will say and I have started to learn Italian, so I can talk to Bruno in his mother tongue."

His other preparation involves "eating a large bar of chocolate every night... to store up my sugar supplies".

Sleb Safari has already shared with you its bright idea that when/if Will gets voted off his exit music should be his own song Leave Right Now.

Ore Oduba is also taking the competition seriously.

"There are three outfits I've always dreamt of one day wearing: Manchester United 1st team strip. The Batman suit. And a full sequinned number a la Strictly."

Blackpool Tower is his carrot on a stick.

"Doesn't everyone want to get to Blackpool? I've lived in the north west for five years and never been. I've got a box of 2ps and 1ps I'd like to get rid of."

Louise Redknapp, who Sleb Safari has a soft spot for, offered the most honest description yet of life in a girl band.

"I went to stage school I did tap and ballet until I was 16, and then I went into Eternal where we did lots of hand clapping and lots of running man. And you don't really have to remember the whole routine because if you forget something you can walk off and be like ‘come on, cheer'."

Louise, or, as The Daily Mail likes to call her, "the caramel-haired beauty", says she wants to make her family proud. Forget them you caramel-haired beauty, do it for yourself. Take a leaf out of Laura Whitmore's book.

"I’ve embarrassed myself so much over the years I’m not sure there is anything left I can do. I fell off my chair on I’m A Celeb on live TV," was how Laura put it.

A few weeks ago, Sleb Safari wrote about its Strictly wish list. Idris Elba led the field, followed by Challenge Anneka (real name Anneka Rice for anyone under 30. YouTube her and marvel at those shell suits.)

There's still a size zero chance that the pair of them could take part so until Sleb Safari is told otherwise it's going to keep wishing and hoping and thinking and praying.

Beyonce and Mariah share a timeshare yacht

BEYONCE and Mariah Carey (possibly) have a timeshare on a yacht that sails around Sardinia and along the Amalfi Coast.

As far as Sleb Safari can make out, Mariah gets the boat for July and Beyonce commandeers it in August.

If either of them wanted a base in the south of Europe they could consider buying the Beckhams’ 200-acre estate in the south of France. They could timeshare there too.

It's on the market for a cool EURO 3.1 million and is in the village of Bargemon, near the Cote d’Azur. With six bedrooms, four bathrooms and a guesthouse Mariah and Beyonce could even holiday together.

Sleb Safari will leave it to the ladies to sort out the logistics.

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The winner of lunch and gin tasting for two at Bert’s Jazz Bar in The Merchant is Michelle Minnis from Bangor. Enjoy!

The Pinkett Smiths Get Real

HIGH five Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith for being so open about the lows – as well as the highs – of life.

Will gave an interview in which he spoke about the couples' marriage therapy. It’s a big admission from a Hollywood star.

"I’ve done a lot of marriage counselling," he said.

"What happens in a marriage once you do counselling, the truth comes out. And you sit across from your wife and you’ve said all of your truth and she has said all of her truth.

"You look at each other and you can’t imagine you could ever possibly love each other again now the truth is out.

"It creates a dark moment. But for me it’s the dark before the dawn. When the truth comes out and people have to say who they are and what they think, you get to know who they are.

"I think that’s the cleansing before you get to the other side that is understanding and moving forward in our relationship."

High five Will Smith for blowing a taboo out of the water.

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