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Sleb Safari: Will Smith enters the 2020 US presidential campaign race

 Will Smith's hand has been forced and he's entering the 2020 US presidential race
 Will Smith's hand has been forced and he's entering the 2020 US presidential race  Will Smith's hand has been forced and he's entering the 2020 US presidential race

THE bright dawn flooded the room and swept the fantastic shadows into dusky corners where they lay shuddering... and with the words of Oscar Wilde ringing in our ears, dear reader, we enter 2016 with a clear vision of what lies ahead on the socio-political landscape. To wit, Kanye West, Lindsay Lohan and Will Smith are gearing up to run for the US presidency.

Kindred souls Lindsay and Kanye are moved by philanthropy but Will’s political raison d’etre is different – it was preordained that greatness would be thrust upon him, the chosen one. Or, in his own words, “...there was no way that I was put here just to be a movie star”.

To recap: during an acceptance speech at last summer’s VMAs Kanye sent a chill down America’s spine by confirming his pledge to run in 2020.

He subsequently told Vanity Fair: “When I run for president, I’d prefer not to run against someone. I would be like ‘I want to work with you.'" No doubt someone will have explained the rules to him by now.

As ever, Lindsay used Instagram to announce her intention. Thanking Barack Obama and Kanye for “inspiring us to become better people” she sent a second chill down America’s spine by adding the hashtag #lindsaylohan2020 and pledging her first role as president would be to “take care of all the children suffering in the world”.

In fairness she did try to help the world’s children before the end of 2015 by asking people to get behind her vague #blankets4peace campaign which she helpfully illustrated with a picture of a Hermes blanket and the inexplicable caption “St Christopher would consider it a peace offering”.

Will, on the other hand, sees it as a natural progression from movie star and father of two teen geniuses to president of the United States of America.

“At this point I’m elevating my ability to be useful in the world,” he opined to the Holywood Reporter in that endearing trademark style we’ve come to dislike.

“As I look at the current political landscape I think there might be a future out there for me. They might need me out there.”

Wait, can he see an alien ship or is he reading from a script? Sleb Safari is confused.

Back to Will for a more detailed explanation: “This is the first year that I’ve been incensed to a level that I can’t sleep, you know? So, I’m feeling that, at some point in the near future, I will have to lend my voice to the conversation in a somewhat different way.”

And then in a CBS interview: “If people keep saying all the crazy kinds of stuff they’ve been saying on the news lately about walls and Muslims they’re going to force me into the political arena.”

Watch out Donald Trump, Big Willie’s cross and he’s coming to get you.

Kanye, Lindsay and Will are strong contenders, no doubt, yet Sleb Safari can’t help but feel that if they heard the call of the 2020 presidential campaign others will have too. Like actual politicians. Or is that wishful thinking?

When a Gladiator wants to hoverboard

AND so to Australia where Russell Crowe has blown his top over Virgin Australia’s hoverboard ban.

Many international airlines are refusing to carry hoverboards amid fears their batteries are a fire risk and Russell did not take it well when he and his two hoverboard lovin’ sons arrived at check-in.

In a Twitter spat that was the 21st century version of Colin Firth and Hugh Grant’s fight scene in the first Bridget Jones film, Russell demanded answers.

Less than an hour later he took another slug at his opponent.

“@VirginAustralia I’m awaiting your reply, where is your duty of responsibility in this? Why not tell me when I am booking my ticket?”

The airline replied:

Sleb Safari can’t tell who won the girl but it does love a good Twitter spat and hopes the Crowes are holidaying somewhere nice, with or without their hoverboards.

Karl Pilkington’s bloke logic

A FASCINATING insight into the mind of travel show presenter Karl Pilkington was on offer in the Guardian of late.

Karl is a man for whom formal wear means cargo pants and a jumper plus “walking trainers” because “there is no point me having a great dinner if my feet aren’t happy”.

Keep that in mind as you read his explanation for binning his ironing board in 2005.

“We lived in a small flat and we had an ironing board behind the door, and every time you opened the door, it fell on you. I thought, ‘Right, we’re hardly ever using it – let’s get rid of it’,” Karl said with the bloke-iest of bloke logic.

“Once you’ve lived without one, you realise that if you put your clothes on early enough, the creases go,” he added.

Well, no Karl, it doesn’t really work like that. Frankly Sleb Safari’s clothes come out of the washing machine so creased it would need to put them on in 2013 to make them presentable.

Social Media Watch

 

I know, I know ... My selfie skills are terrible but just look at this baby penguin and everything will appear better!

A photo posted by Hugh Jackman (@thehughjackman) on