HAVE you ever fallen out with someone at work, or had to ‘go formal’ about someone you worked with? It can change the dynamic somewhat and often the fabric of that working relationship is stretched to the point it will not regain its normal shape.
How we argue or disagree with someone in work is often dictated by the dispute resolution culture within the organisation, the seriousness of the subject matter, the emotional intelligence of the people involved and importantly, what the offended party wants out of the resolution.
All too often line managers take comfort in the old ‘put it in writing’ adage that is the eternal safety net and audit trail. If the worst comes to the worst and a falling out turns into a grievance, and then into a tribunal case, at least the manager can say they recorded everything.
But what is the priority? Having the record or restoring the relationship? Being procedurally correct speaks to the compliance mind-set, be it code or statute. Whereas prioritising the resolution of differences by talking, listening and facilitating a mutually acceptable outcome speaks to the restorative mind-set.
Imagine the dispute resolution culture as a “T” junction with the left turn being the formal route and the right turn being the dialogue-based restorative route and then ask yourself about your own place of work. Is the cultural norm to always turn left? If so, why is that? What has created that culture?
The answers may be varied – previous bad outcomes, getting burned at a tribunal, not properly managing expectations, a prescriptive risk management mind-set, line managers afraid of jumping in without a procedural safety net… and so on.
Just reflect for a moment and consider how many working relationships could have got back up and running if the first thing that happened was dialogue. If only a line manager had invited the two staff members into a room, switched on the kettle and asked: “Ok, what’s up? Let’s talk this out.”
Easier said than done, I hear you say, as line managers are not always natural mediators. Similarly, I’m not saying mediation is a panacea for all inter-personal ills. But sometimes giving someone space to see, listen, vent, realise, and empathise – might just be enough, in the early stages, to get things back on an even keel.
The cynics amongst us will, by this stage, say this is acting with an abundance of cotton wool with which to wrap people. But here’s the thing, a line manager who can spot the early warning signs of inter-personal conflict and who can step in and say “hey, we need to get along so let’s talk about this”, is worth their weight in gold.
These are the same line managers who are familiar with the “people don’t leave jobs, they leave people” phrase often quoted by HR experts and who see the value in sitting down and resolving problems at the earliest stages.
Sometimes a ‘sit down’ (not in the Soprano’s sense) is as good as a handshake and if staff can see there is a ‘just’ culture in the way inter-personal disputes are handled then this, in turn, will allow working relationships to restore and continue productively.
The softer skill set of the line manager has long been recognised as the key to effective working relationships.
Give them the tools and the confidence to restore and reset.
:: Mark McAllister is director of employment relations services at Labour Relations Agency NI
