Go mbeannaí Dia daoibh, hiyaz millionaires and everybody on DLA, you are all equally welcome to the Bluffer’s Guide to Irish.
“The best things in life are free/But you can keep them for the birds and bees/I want money” sang the Flying Lizards in 1979 and it is more true today than ever.
Today, airgead - money is everything.
Tá an teachtaireacht gach áit - the message is everywhere - caith, caith, caith - spend, spend, spend.
If you want some handy sentences, you could say, for instance, chaith mé £1.000 ar an charr seo - I spent £1,000 on this car or caitheann sé barraíocht airgid ar ólachán - he spends too much money on drink.
A lot of what we spend money on nowadays is influenced to a large extent by fógraíocht - advertising and it seems to the Bluffer that there is much more than there used to be on TV so he did some research.
In Ireland, commercial broadcasters can run a maximum of 12 minutes of adverts per hour – although it does seem much longer!
RTÉ and TG4 have less commercial minutes per hour than other broadcasters at just six minutes an hour.
(If you want to say at most, you use ar a mhéad
so dhá bhomaite déag ar a mhéad - is 12 minutes at most or fiche míle ar a mhéad - 20 miles at most, etc.
The opposite is ar a laghad as in 100 duine ar a laghad - at least 100 people).
But back to a word from our sponsors.
In Britain, advertising is an overall average of 7 minutes per hour.
But what is advertising? It is a way of subtly or otherwise getting you to spend your money on certain products, depending on what time of the day you watch television.
During the daytime, there are adverts for arrachas báis - death insurance and Saga holidays and hearing aids.
These are not public information bulletins, they are designed to get your money off you.
Now the products might be wonderful and worth every penny you spend on that cure for constipation or Cillit Bang but we are constantly being bombarded by messages that we will be better people if we drink a certain carbonated water or drive through an fásach - the desert in a certain car or that we will attract members of the opposite sex if we smell of the glandular secretions of the musk deer.
And, let’s face it, there are fógraí - advertisements for things we would never admit to buying.
For instance, the Better Marriage Blanket has the strapline: Is flatulence ruining your love life?
Or the Booty Bop which “can help turn a droopy derrière into a youthful-looking, head-turning bootylicious booty,” although the Bootylicious Bluffer has a certain ring to it!
But cad é an rud is úsáidí atá ceannaithe agat? - what is the most useful thing you have bought?
Colainn shlán - a healthy body is probably the most important thing but it can’t be bought unless you include all the healthy food you eat so I would suggest the most useful thing people have nowadays is their guthán póca - mobile phone, even though there is relatively few ads for mobile phones on TV with word of mouth being the best kind of advertising.
CÚPLA FOCAL
airgead(aragid) - money
Tá an teachtaireacht gach áit(taa an chakhterakht gakh iytch) - the message is everywhere
caith (kiyh) - spend
chaith mé £1,000 ar an charr seo (khiyh may meela punt er un khar shaw ) - I spent £1,000 on this car
caitheann sé barraíocht airgid ar ólachán(kyhan shay bareeakht aragidge er awlakhaan) - he spends too much money on drink
fógraíocht(foegreeakht) - advertising
dhá bhomaite déag ar a mhéad (ga wumitcha jayg er a vayd) - 12 minutes at most
fiche míle ar a mhéad(feeha meela er a vayd) - 20 miles at most
ar a laghad(er a layad) - at least
100 duine ar a laghad(cayd dinya er a layad) - at least 100 people
arrachas báis(arahiss baash) - death insurance
cad é an rud is úsáidí atá ceannaithe agat?(cadge ay un rud is oosaadgee ataa caneeha ugut) - what is the most useful thing you have bought?
colainn shlán(colan lan) - a healthy body
guthán póca(goohaan poca) - mobile phone