NUMBER 5 is alive! For games hacks, the gloves are finally off, as we throw caution to the virusey wind and tear the shroud from PlayStation 5. My son and I have been playing Sony's great white hope for a fortnight now, under a publicity gag tighter than the most sanitary mask.
So, after all the rumours and pre-order fiascos, is PS5 worthy of your precious coin? It certainly has big shoes to fill. The PS4 shifted more than 113 million units, making it the second best-selling home console ever, just behind PS2.
Strapping in for the next generation, my first impression of the PlayStation 5 after it was dragged from its mammoth box was that, while recent gaming rigs have become boring silicon coffins, PS5 brings some flair back to the party.
Let's face it: console design has become depressingly utilitarian of late. Back in the day, Atari's 2600 was hewn from walnut to blend into the wood-panelled finery of the sexiest late-70s pad, and the NES, Mega Drive and SNES are bona-fide design icons.
Happily, at over 15 inches tall, Sony's titanic tech sits amongst your other tech tat like a skyscraper from some benevolent future – looking every bit what our younger selves imagined 2020 would be like, rather than the festering nightmare it actually is.
Next to the PS4, it's a gentrified dream lording it over a slum. Subtlety is chucked out the window – clad in a popped white collar, like some Bangor gadabout, PS5 kicks off subtle lighting cues and, unlike its predecessor, won't cop out when there's heat all about, puffing nary a wheeze from its cooling system.
Pleasingly, you're greeted with the same iconic beep that heralded juice to the PS3 and PS4. But what follows, for once, isn't the mechanical whir of a hard drive spinning. The biggest tech leap this time around is its custom solid state drive. 110 times faster than PS4, the fastest SSD in the world kisses goodbye to loading screens and/or long corridors between areas to mask your hard drive's exertions. Seconds after selecting your fancy from the menu, you're off to the races.
Yet, while the PS5's memory may be fast, with only 600-odd usable gigabytes, there's precious little to play with. Expect to squeeze around 15 games into its fancy innards before having to Sophie's Choice your old purchases to make room. Stuffing in extra memory is an option, but it'll come at a high price.
The crisp user interface isn't far removed from the PS4's, all clean menus and seamless integration of extras such as the store and streaming services. A new in-game activities panel displays 'cards' with extra challenges to complete and hint videos, while that muscular hard drive means you can suspend and switch between multiple games or apps at will.
Expectations need to be managed in terms of whizz-bang graphics, though – the days of each new console generation melting eyeballs with visual swank are long gone. While we gasped at the PS2's power over the original and cooed at the PS3's high-def sheen, the PS4 was more bunny hop than leap. PS5 brings the least perceptible change; you'll want a 4K telly to really appreciate the resolution on offer, though it's also no slouch on my dusty old Argos workhorse.
Instead, it's the controller that makes Sony's latest feel like a big deal. Stuffed with tactile sorcery that titillates your nerve endings, the taps and jolts delivered by the DualSense make it feel alive in your paws. While not as headline-grabbing as the Wii's motion controls, its trigger resistance is particularly pleasing – pull a lever and you sense the mechanical clunk, fire off a machine gun and your fingers physically rattle.
To quote my wee fella, his 11-year-old fingers twitching on a vibrating controller: "This is SOOO COOL!"
Like all newborns, the PS5 needs suckled on a steady diet of software – and the first year is critical. Sony's launch line-up is admittedly on the thin side (though positively obese compared to Microsoft's), with third-party games bulking up the numbers.
Spider-Man: Miles Morales is the closest thing to a system-seller, with Demon's Souls the biggest head-turner for hardcore gamers and a chance for the hardware to really flex those guns. Ironically, November's most anticipated title is a PS4 game, Cyberpunk 2077, which will of course play just fine on your PS5, with free next-gen enhancements in the pipeline.
It's early days, but there are a few onions in the ointment ripe for patching: The PS5's media player currently boasts the most basic of options when playing movies from a hard drive. My middle-aged ears need a subtitles option, though my middle-aged brain just can't find it.
Most annoyingly, there are no folders, meaning your once finely-curated collection is now an unfettered mess, while you can't delete icons flogging PS Now or PlayStation Plus deals. A tweak is surely in the pipeline, though, as they took their precious time adding folders to PS4.
And, while Sony promises nearly all of your existing collection will work just fine on its newest, I note that my beloved copy of PT (Kojima's legendary horror demo, now deleted from the store) is dead – for now, at least.
In movie terms, fifth time around is when the wheels fall off – Police Academy: Assignment Miami Beach territory. Sony, however, has hit the ground running with PS5, picking up the baton from where its ridiculously popular daddy left off.
Without offering the graphical leap previous launches promised, near-instant loading, a wonderfully tactile controller and the sheer promise of what's to come still make it a mouthwatering start to the next seven years of gaming – a generation that'll take me, depressingly, into my 50s.
Next week, the great unwashed will have a chance to see what the fuss is about, when all that lockdown money you've saved on colonics and massages can finally be put to good use. Let's face it, gamers may as well go out with a smile on their faces, as the PS6 will be played only by Covid-resistant cockroaches.
:: Sony's PlayStation 5 will launch on November 19
:: ASTRO'S PLAYROOM
A THROWBACK to the days when all consoles launched with a bouncy platformer, trapped in every PS5 is Astro's Playroom, a short but none-sweeter 3D adventure starring Sony's yelping, bug-eyed robot.
A marquee for their controller's features in the way Wii Sports was back in 2006, you'll be swiping, waggling and even blowing the thing in a grab-bag of gimmicks that put the DualSense through its paces.
A celebration of PlayStation's 25-year history, with lashings of collectible doodads and big-hearted references to all things Sony, Playroom is swaddled in charm, with adorable bots play-acting iconic blockbusters and a final boss that'll bring a tear to the crow's feet of those who've followed PlayStation from the start.
It's a fantastic freebie – and if you have a PS5, you already own it.
