March 4, 2014: "People think I'm a psychopath. The image people have about me is I'm all about partying, that I'm indifferent to football. It's as far from reality as could possibly be... Of all the things said about me, I've only done one thing wrong. That was in Copenhagen (a drink-driving charge). I was a bit hot-headed when younger maybe, but you grow up" - Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner
March 11, 2014: Nicklas Bendtner has been accused of threatening a taxi driver and allegedly going "berserk" on a drunken night out in Copenhagen - Danish newspaper BT
IT'S time to let you, the dear reader, into a little secret - Dodgy Tackle had a few shandies last Saturday night.
No big deal, everybody has to throw off the shackles once in a while. Another round of over-priced foreign beer? Hell yeah - and whatever you're having mon cheri. Bien tut. Gracias.
A round of flaming galahs from the Aussie barmaid? Erm, okay, but fire us a few pints of water too, just for the hangover like.
Alas, the fun always has to stop somewhere, normally outside a burger van as grown men eye up slabs of grilled bacteria with all the testosterone-fuelled intent with which they swung their hips at that leggy blonde earlier in the night.
Entering into the wee hours, and it's taxi time. Dodgy regales the taxi driver with slurred tales of the night's events. He is clearly loving it, but there's not much to tell, so Dodgy falls asleep. Then Dodgy wakes up. Dodgy's mouth all of a sudden feels moist, the road ahead has four lanes instead of two. Dodgy begins to panic... then falls asleep again. Dodgy arrives at his destination, tips twice the fare, stubbornly refuses to accept change, shakes hands with the driver for too long, then staggers into the house. Job done.
What Dodgy didn't do was drop his begs, rub himself suggestively against yer man's three-year-old Skoda Octavia, whip the vehicle with his belt and then call the taxi driver "a little whore".
Not last Saturday night anyway.
This, though, is how Arsenal 'striker' Nicklas Bendtner apparently brought a close to his evening socialising in Copenhagen on Tuesday - the same night the Gunners were having their pants pulled down and being whipped by Bayern Munich etc etc After a few too many Carlsberg, the big Dane clambered into the back of a taxi and when the driver looked round he saw that the car radio had been kicked and was dangling down (Bendtner had been aiming for the glove compartment apparently).
After an exchange of opinions, Bendtner (pictured)
"completely freaked out", got out of the car, unbuttoned his trousers, presumably exposing a pair of faded Paddy Power pants, and began thrusting himself against the vehicle before going all Alan Partridge dream sequence and whipping the poor sodomised vehicle with his belt.
At yesterday's pre-north London derby press conference, Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger effectively signalled the end of the 26-year-old's Gunners career, and insisted the Dane would be disciplined.
For Bendtner's sake, we can only hope that a belt is not involved.