Dodgy Tackle: Roy Keane comes close to pulling the Triggs
A week to go to the Euros and the beast of Saipan is only brooding, never far away.
And when anyone dares to scunder Roy Keane in his own backyard sooo, those eyes will glaze over loike two frozen puddles on the banks of the river Lee sooo, that salt-stained beard will twitch like Japanese and South Korean knotweed on Baby Bio sooo, while those harsh, coiled lips will say what they loike and loike what they say sooo...
Following the Republic reserves’ 2-1 clipping by Norn Iron’s whipping boys Belarus in Cork in Wednesday’s final pre-Euros kickabout, Keano was simply in no mood to let it go (sooo). Instead of brushing it off as a souped-up game of headers and volleys, he wanted to talk murder, as Rebels do, just nine days before the tournament starts.
Metaphorical murder we can only hope at this point – mainly because the options on the Republic’s stand-by list for France are brutal and there’s not much of a market for dead Republic of Ireland reserves – but murder nonetheless.
“We wanted to kill some of them [the players] last night,” the turned and cross assistant manager said after the loss at Turners Cross.
“They should be counting their blessing that they’ve managed to get on the flight. A reality check for one or two players who thought they were good players.
“You can lack match sharpness, you can forgive a player for that but you’ve got to get yourself in a good state.
“Be fit. Be as strong as you can. Eat properly. Prepare properly. You’re playing international football. Control the bloody ball.
“Pass it to your mates and if you lose it, run back and run back like... my late golden labrador Triggs (inset) (RIP GBNF) chasing a ball like Duffer and Robbie that morning after I completely lost my s**t in 2002 and threw the toys (not Triggs') out of the pram in Saipan and then bailed out of my country’s World Cup squad.”
Okay, okay, so I took liberties and invented the last 44 words and two acronyms in those quotes for lazy convenience after deleting the words ‘you care’.
Maybe it’s just me who’s the bitter one. Still, as big Mick McCarthy would probably sing to you these days with (a) wry smile in between (a) feed of Yorkshire pudding and (a) nice cuppa tea: “Roy Keane’s on fire, Martin O’Neill is terrified, Roy Keane’s on fire, (the) whole bloody squad is petrified.”
Maybe Keano’s public threat to murder the bluffers and clowns will have a motivating effect and everyone will survive. Who knows? God is good and we can but pray at least 16 boys in green (with brown shorts) will still be breathing His air by the time this opening Group E game against Zlatan Ibrahimovic kicks off.
DELETED TWEET OF THE WEEK
6.24am on 30th June 2015, then Swansea manager Garry Monk tweets: Awful decision for Leeds to sack Neil Redfern. A great coach, and bloke. No manager worth his salt will work with that crook in charge there.”
Four weeks short of a year and one deleted tweet later, Mr Monk is, er, confirmed as Leeds United’s new boss... appointed by Massimo Cellino, the artist formerly referred to as ‘that crook’.
8/1 to be sacked before the start of the league season, Monk is. Lump on.
STAT OF THE WEEK
BBC comentator Conor McNamara: “Leeds United have had six managers since Jack Wilshere last completed 90 minutes for Arsenal.”
Make that seven next week.