DodgyTackle
"THE problem for me was that the TV work felt like failure. When I heard 'I liked your commentary last night',
I knew: I was only talking bullsh*t, like the rest of them. Hopefully my bullsh*t was a bit better. I wanted to do something that excited me.
TV work didn't excite me."
WELCOME to the world of Roy Keane. He says what he means, and he means what he says. And when he does something completely different to what he says, well, you can politely shove it up your b*****ks.
It doesn't excite me, okay?
Sure I was only talking bullsh*t, alright? Is that your phone going off, is it? Well bloody well turn it off, would ya? Get the picture?
The above quotes appeared in the Republic of Ireland assistant manager's autobiography, released last October. That's October 2014 - just five months ago. Therefore it was with surprise that Dodgy Tackle read reports yesterday that Keane would be bringing his unique brand of unexcited bullsh*t back to your TV screens next week.
Having finally lugged Andy Townsend and Adrian Chiles into the box marked 'dead wood', the new-look ITV punditry team has a distinct suspended-for-the-1999-Champions-League-final feel to it, with Paul Scholes poised to slouch awkwardly next to his former partner in crime during Tuesday night's coverage of Paris St Germain's 1-1 draw with Chelsea.
It'll be good to have Roy back all the same - just don't tell him you enjoyed his commentary on Wednesday.
THOROUGHLY CRAP CHAP OF THE WEEK
RAY Wilkins is, as chaps go, a thoroughly nice chap. As managers go, though, he is a thoroughly crap chap, as his recent exploits with the Jordan national team have shown.
Rumours of his impending exit have been doing the rounds after Jordan failed to get out of the knockout stages of the Asia Cup, and Wilkins is such a thoroughly nice chap that he has freely admitted what a bad job he has done. My word.
"I will speak to Prince Ali when I get back to Jordan," he said, clearly unaware that Prince Ali is still on gardening leave after getting the heave-ho from Rangers. "Unfortunately my record is not that good - it is pretty poor. I don't know if I will go down as the worst coach in Jordan's history."
The worst coach in Jordan's history? Perhaps. But the most thoroughly pleasant chap to ever coach Jordan? Without doubt old chap, without doubt.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK "I HAD a knee injury and returned to play again too fast. I played but the knees were not equal and I got myself injured again."
IN a busy week for knees-related news, former Manchester United midfielder Nandoson attempts to explain why he - and his career at the Red Devils - went pear-shaped after early hopes he could be better than Kleberson.