Opinion

Claire Simpson: Boris Johnson's bridge to Scotland is just another of his daft - and expensive - ideas

Boris Johnson's proposal to build a bridge between Scotland and Northern Ireland has been criticised
Boris Johnson's proposal to build a bridge between Scotland and Northern Ireland has been criticised Boris Johnson's proposal to build a bridge between Scotland and Northern Ireland has been criticised

There are some film cliches that, as soon as you hear them, immediately ring alarm bells: the grizzled cop who decides to take on that one last case two days before retirement, the ingenue who creeps down the stairs in form-flattering sleepwear to find out what that strange noise was in the kitchen, any release starring Gerard Butler.

Similarly any time Boris Johnson says he has a ‘very good idea’, I run to the dictionary just to check I haven’t misunderstood the definition of ‘good’. Like Baldrick’s cunning plans in Blackadder - most of which seemed to involve turnips - Boris’s ideas must appear wonderful in his head but appalling to everyone else.

Proposals for a £15 billion bridge from Larne to Stranraer have previously been rightly dismissed as daft nonsense - the sort of idea that presumably someone shouted out on a Tory away day as a means of pandering to the DUP.

When Johnson originally proposed the idea in an interview with the Sunday Times last year, the proposal prompted a biting letter from a retired Scottish offshore engineer who said it was about as feasible as "building a bridge to the moon”.

The engineer, James Duncan from Edinburgh, pointed out piffling little stumbling blocks including the depth of the water - more than 1,000ft deep for a large section of the 22-mile route - frequently stormy weather conditions, and the need for the bridge to have massive support towers "of heights never achieved anywhere in the world".

Some of the proposed routes for a bridge between Northern Ireland and Scotland
Some of the proposed routes for a bridge between Northern Ireland and Scotland Some of the proposed routes for a bridge between Northern Ireland and Scotland

Oh and he also pointed out that Beaufort's Dyke trench within the North Channel was used to dump well over a million tons of Second World War munitions, the locations of which were never mapped.

“No sane contractor or responsible government would consider building such a bridge, and because of the weather conditions it would probably have to be closed for considerable periods if it did," he wrote.

Anyone who’s had to endure the Larne to Stranraer ferry crossing during a storm will know the unpredictability of those waters. A hugely expensive bridge which will only operate during calm weather seems like a ridiculous project to anyone with an atom of sense.

That initial proposal should have been the end of it, but up Boris popped again last week to tell unsuspecting children that he was still considering the plans.

“(I was talking yesterday) about building a bridge from Stranraer in Scotland to Larne in Northern Ireland – that would be very good,” he said during a visit to a London company.

“It would only cost about £15 billion.”

Of course with a looming recession and a potential no-deal Brexit bringing the country to a standstill, what’s the odd £15bn?

In a way it’s odd that the Tories and DUP want the north to have closer links with Scotland anyway. Nicola Sturgeon’s progressive government only shows up our lack of a stable, functioning assembly.

There is also the small point that Boris doesn't have the best track record when it comes to bridges.

His proposed Garden Bridge from London's South Bank to the Temple was slammed as an overblown vanity project which ultimately cost taxpayers £43 million - around four-fifths of the final £53.5m total - before it was eventually abandoned.

It cost £1.3m alone to survey the riverbed and look for unexploded wartime bombs.

Boris also backed an idiotic plan nicknamed "Boris Island", which would have seen an airport built in the River Thames Estuary in a key conservation area for birds.

Thankfully, this proposal was rejected by the airport commission in 2014.

His purchase of three water cannon in 2014 in the wake of the 2011 London riots also ended in failure after he failed to clear the idea with then Home Secretary Theresa May.

The cannon, bought for more than £320,000, were later sold for scrap for just £11,025.

The insane waste of public money is one thing but what’s more disturbing is his continued insistence on absurd vanity projects. After the first major gaffe, Boris should have realised that his talents do not lie in public works.

But on he blusters, like a very minor dictator believing that his people will just love that delightful gold statue of himself in the town square.

It would all be very entertaining, except Boris Johnson is prime minister.