There’s a wonderful scene in The Thick of It when spin doctor Malcolm Tucker promises an incompetent minister he’ll get a plum job as foreign secretary.
The minister, Ben Swain, replies: “And you mean foreign secretary? That isn’t code for Northern Ireland? I’m not f***ing going there”.
That’s the joke of course - that no one wants to come here. What ambitious Tory wants to spend their time trying to get the DUP and Sinn Féin around a talks table when their career could be more profitably served by complaining about the European Union?
Every secretary of state since Peter Hain has given the clear impression that they’re marking time in the Northern Ireland Office until they can get a more important job. Labour’s Shaun Woodward has now left public life. Sadly, the same can’t be said for Tories Owen Paterson and Theresa Villiers, who re-emerged earlier this month, along with other members of the Conservative Brexiteer 'European Research Group’ to set out their “common sense” Brexit strategy. Unfortunately, given that Mr Paterson and Ms Villiers have at least visited the border during their political careers, the common sense strategy mainly included proposals on the Irish border which have previously been rejected by the EU.
Previous secretary of state James Brokenshire didn’t back Brexit in the 2016 referendum. But that was one of his few plus points in a relatively short NIO career characterised by the failure of attempts to restore power-sharing. If Mr Brokenshire, an ineffective secretary of state who at least appeared to have read a Ladybird book on Northern Ireland before he took office, couldn’t restore power-sharing or act as a decent advocate for the north in Brexit negotiations then what chance does present incumbent Karen Bradley have ?
In Mrs Bradley, British prime minister Theresa May appears to have ‘done a Peter Robinson’ by appointing someone loyal to her but completely incapable of doing the job. Just as ex-DUP MLA Jonathan Bell managed to get two ministerial posts, Mrs Bradley has somehow been handed jobs as culture minister and the Northern Ireland secretary of state. I don’t know how much she knew about culture but by her own admission she knew less than nothing about the north before taking up her post.
“I didn’t understand things like when elections are fought for example in Northern Ireland, people who are nationalists don’t vote for unionist parties and vice-versa,” she said earlier this month. Her lack of knowledge might have been funny if she hadn’t been given the job at the most delicate stage of power-sharing talks in January. A Mo Mowlam or a Peter Hain might have got those talks over the line. A Karen Bradley certainly couldn’t.
Some commentators have questioned how she has risen so far in the Tory ranks without knowing even the most basic facts about the north’s politics. But ignorance of the place Margaret Thatcher insisted was “as British as Finchley” seems a distinct advantage in Conservative circles. If it weren’t, the party would never have been foolish enough to sign a deal with the DUP.
Mrs May didn’t exactly give Mrs Bradley effusive praise when asked about her performance last week.
The prime minister said Mrs Bradley was doing an “excellent job” in much the same way as my old PE teacher insisted in every single school report that “Claire tries her hardest at all aspects of PE.”
The actual job of being a secretary of state goes beyond having your picture taken at the Balmoral Show or garden parties at Hillsborough. It requires at least the pretence of being interested in your brief and a willingness to represent people who, with the ongoing impasse at Stormont, have no voice at the Brexit table. Unfortunately Mrs Bradley seems to care about the north as much as I cared about competitive school sports.
Mrs May has claimed “every effort” is being made to restore Stormont. Strange that we’ve seen no sign of these mysterious efforts. Certainly her decision to keep Mrs Bradley as secretary of state suggests otherwise.
I can’t blame Mrs May for wanting to keep an ally in cabinet, no matter how poor they are at their job. It’s no surprise the north is again being sacrificed for political expediency, just profoundly depressing.
We’re leaving the EU in March with no sign of a proper deal. Our electricity might be cut off, flights could be grounded and no one in the British government seems to particularly care. Karen Bradley is secretary of state. The joke’s on us.
