Life

Leona O'Neill: If our children don't work for their own success, it means nothing

After Desperate Housewives actress Felicity Huffman convicted over a scam that involved paying for better exam results for her daughter, Leona O'Neill asks, even if you have the means to give your child the world, should you?

We have to let our kids stand on their own two feet and make their own way in the world
We have to let our kids stand on their own two feet and make their own way in the world We have to let our kids stand on their own two feet and make their own way in the world

THERE’S an interesting case playing out in America at the moment which has seen a well-known celebrity jailed for helping her child access university.

Felicity Huffman was earlier this month sentenced to 14 days in prison and 250 hours of community service for her involvement in paying to get her child higher exam scores for college admission.

The Desperate Housewives actress pleaded guilty last May to paying an ‘admissions consultant’ some $15,000 to have someone change her oldest daughter Sophia’s exam answers after she took the test. She is scheduled to report to prison on October 25.

Other parents and coaches were among the 50 people charged in the scheme but none of the children involved were accused of or charged with any crimes.

Speaking in court earlier this month Ms Huffman – wife of Hollywood heavy hitter William H Macy – said she would try to be a better role model in the future.

“I can promise you that in the months and years to come that I will try and live a more honest life, serve as a better role model for my daughters and family and continue to contribute my time and energies wherever I am needed. My hope now is that my family, my friends and my community will forgive me for my actions.”

It was an extraordinary case that highlighted that for some parents in this world, getting your child into a specific university, or on a specific path, is literally worth going to jail for. It is quite startling the length we as parents will go to to help our kids develop as human beings.

Perhaps these parents felt that they were doing right by their children, showing them that they would do anything to have them access success and wealth. But that’s not how things worked out.

There is something badly wrong when we are teaching our kids life lessons such as if you don’t go to a certain school or university, you will not be successful in life. You can’t be successful without me. I have to pay someone to get you into college. I’m not going to leave it to chance that you might get there on your own merit. If you fail, don’t get up and try again, I’ll just pay to make everything better. There’s no need to work hard, we have money, and that is what makes the world go around.

Whether you’re a star Hollywood LA or a single mother from Holywood, Co Down, you’re not doing your kids any favours by handing them the world on a plate. Although it can be tough, character is built through challenge, resilience is built through overcoming obstacles, humility and depth is formed through adversity.

You can always tell when human beings have had no real challenges in life; they seem devoid of grit, empathy, work ethic or drive and expect, or even demand, things are just given to them as standard.

What is success if it’s handed to you on a plate by someone who bought it and not earned by yourself? It means nothing. Even if you have the means to give your child the world, should you? I don’t think so.

Taking every obstacle out of our children’s way to protect them only stifles their growth. We need to learn life lessons in order to develop as human beings. We have to let our kids stand on their own two feet and make their own way in the world if they are going to be well-rounded, independent adults capable of carving their own success, mining their own happiness and joy and thriving in the world.

Let them go, let them grow. They’ll thank you for it in the end. Trust me.