Life

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are a couple and Calvin Harris is not impressed

Maeve Connoly

Maeve Connolly

Maeve is the deputy digital editor at The Irish News. She has worked for the company since 2000.

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are slebville's newest and hottest couple
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are slebville's newest and hottest couple Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are slebville's newest and hottest couple

SOUND the new celebrity couple klaxon, we’ve caught a big ‘un! Our new sleb romance is between Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. Let’s call them Tiddles for short.

The Sun had exclusive pictures of the pair canoodling on a beach in Rhode Island that did not look one bit staged.

Sleb Safari is not too proud to admit it did not see this coming.

Taylor broke up with Scottish DJ Calvin Harris last month and Sleb Safari has been distracted by a long harboured hope that Taylor’s next boyfriend would be Prince Harry, thus bringing together two royal houses (Pop and Windsor) and creating a new dynasty.

Sleb Safari had been picturing oodles of little Swift-Windsor children, a veritable Von Trapp family if you will. Now it’s having to recalibrate and imagine Tiddles’ children who would have the world’s longest legs, a great singing voice and acting chops. In short, long legged Von Trapps.

When Taylor and Calvin broke up Sleb Safari had presumed there’d be a period of reflection and song writing from which at least one song, if not an entire album, would emerge, full of lyrics about romantic walks through Glasgow in the drizzle and drowning your sorrow with Iron Bru.

Sleb Safari did not anticipate Swift would move on so swiftly and applauds her for her good taste.

The Sun went for a very Sun-esque headline ‘Tinker Taylor snogs a spy: Swift dumps Calvin for night manager Tom’ and the (staged) photos show them kissing on the beach, strolling hand in hand, sharing a jacket. The usual.

It would appear that Calvin has not taken the news well. He has deleted his post break-up tweet: "The only truth here is that a relationship came to an end & what remains is a huge amount of love and respect" plus all the photos of Taylor and is said to have blocked Taylor and her brother. What is he, 16?

The truth is that Taylor and Tom are made for each other. Both are so eager. Her with her Instagram perfect slumber parties and bake offs, him with his impressions of Robert de Niro.

Sleb Safari cringed when he sat beside Robert de Niro on Graham Norton’s sofa and did his Robert de Niro impression. The entire sofa-full of guests cringed.

Sleb Safari wishes the Tiddles well on this new adventure and looks forward to her new album and his Taylor Swift impression.

Katie Price’s remote control is miles cooler than yours

WOULD you look at that TV remote control? Don’t you love it?

Everyone knows vajazzling is so 2012 but now we know what’s hot for summer 2016 – remojazzling.

Think how handy it’d be to find that thing down the back of the sofa.

Katie Price shared the photograph of her remojazzled remote on her Instagram account and captioned the post: “Watching TV, don’t you just love my bling control”.

Instagram reacted appropriately.

There was the expected: “I’m totally going to bling my remote now” and “Did you bling your control yourself Katie”.

But the best comment left on the post, and this week’s winner of the most sycophantic comment, was: “Don’t know(sic) how u get time between being a mum and looking so good.”

Katie, if Sleb Safari may be so bold as to answer this question for you - staff. That’s how she finds the time. She employs staff. Do keep up.

Mick Hucknall and Martine McCutcheon’s sick date

SLEB Safari would like to applaud Martine McCutcheon for sharing with us the story of the time she vomited over Mick Hucknell.

Martine says they were in a car after a film premiere, she’d had champagne but no food and the result was “like something out of the exorcist”.

Had they been to the Fairground beforehand Sleb Safari wonders? Boom tish…

Bad enough that he was covered in her vomit, Mick’s trademark dreadlocks also “flicked” into the icky mess.

“Not long after that, he had to cut his dreadlocks off,” Martine explained helpfully.

And how did Mick react?

“He took me home, made me a bacon sandwich and made me ring my mum to say I was safe,” apparently.

Martine wasn’t going to let a few sickie burps get in the way of a fledgling romance.

“I was still flirting with him, then I looked in the mirror and I had Alice Cooper black make-up all down my eyes.”

And, in a development that surprised no-one, they decided there and then just to be friends.

Social Media Watch

Coasters don’t scare us @knottsberryfarm