IN the crisis-hit few days before the Good Friday Agreement was signed, the then Alliance leader, John Alderdice, famously warned: "If the Prime Minister wants a deal, he'd better get here - fast."
Nobody would ever say such a thing about Boris Johnson. Because there is no situation that this Prime Minister couldn't make worse.
So his visit to Hillsborough came and went with nothing to show for it. Was his journey really necessary? Of course not. It was just another photo opportunity, though this time he didn't get to raid his dressing up box for workman outfits to try on. He was probably warned off a sash.
Not only is he clearly unfamiliar with the Good Friday Agreement that he claims to be protecting, he doesn't even know how Stormont works, according to one Alliance politician who said he was amazed to hear about the unionist/nationalist/other designations.
What other politician could actually go on camera to tell Channel Four: "Yes, I agreed it (the NI Protocol). I hoped and believed our friends (the EU) would not necessarily want to apply the protocol in quite the way that they have."
There you have it in a nutshell. The British Prime Minister signs an international treaty and commends it to parliament as the greatest thing since sliced pan, while believing the other party would never actually carry it out.
Then his partner in crime, Liz Truss, speaking out of both sides of her mouth, simultaneously offers negotiations with Europe while threatening to bring in legislation to force through the changes Britain wants.
Who could ever trust this country and its leaders? Little wonder the political commentator Rafael Behr wrote: "A fundamental problem with the UK-EU relationship is that the players who might have to place their trust in Boris Johnson have met him before."
The EU put forward a package of suggested reforms last October and got no response from the UK. The British side hasn't even met them for further discussions since February.
Johnson no doubt reckons a bit of argy bargy with Europe will play well with the Daily Mail and the swivel-eyed loons in the European Reform Group ahead of any forthcoming election. Because that's his only raison d'etre: power. It's why he did the "oven-ready" Brexit deal in the first place, whatever the consequences.
So La Truss is promising jam tomorrow for the DUP. Because none of the proposed changes will happen any time soon. If she wanted to force the issue she could have triggered Article 16.
This is the same Liz Truss who's been outed by a former diplomat as having told a US audience that the impact of a no deal Brexit on Irish businesses would only affect "a few farmers with turnips in the back of their trucks".
Will it be enough for Sir Jeffrey to slink back to Stormont, inch by inch? Who knows? Tactics and that party are strange bedfellows. At least he won't be as hard up as his constituents since he's in no rush to part with his Westminster pay packet.
I thought he had cornered the market in brass-neck polishing when he stood for election in Lagan Valley only to hand the seat over to moonlighting TV pundit, Emma Little-Pengelly - the one who had told viewers she wouldn't describe herself as a DUP representative. Or at least not yet.
But then I heard Carla Lockhart reference the late John Hume in the House of Commons when she read from a prepared speech, wondering what he would have made of the divisive and majoritarian approach of his successor, Colum Eastwood.
No wonder Claire Hanna came over all Will Smith, saying "Take John Hume's name out of your mouth."
But Carla wasn't finished with Hume wisdom. She followed it up on Twitter with another quote, this time helpfully supplied by the Embassy of Ireland, about the importance of respect for diversity. Yes, that's another new one for Carla's colleagues.
It's great that the DUP are so closely studying the words of John Hume, probably the staunchest supporter of the European Union ever to grace the Irish political stage.
Maybe they should have been listening to him a long time ago instead of the Brexiteering Tories who've led them up the garden path time and time again.
Meanwhile a Belfast foodbank reported that one recipient had to decline the offer of chilled meals because they couldn't afford the cost of electricity to keep their fridge running. Are you listening Jeffrey?
