Opinion

Jake O'Kane: We need to address the growing culture of toxic masculinity among boys and young men

We need to address what can only be described as a growing culture of toxic masculinity among boys and young men

Jake O'Kane

Jake O'Kane

Jake is a comic, columnist and contrarian.

Pupils from Ashling Murphy's class hold photographs of the murdered schoolteacher at her funeral in Co Offaly on Wednesday. The 23-year-old was found dead after going for a run on the banks of the Grand Canal in Tullamore.
Pupils from Ashling Murphy's class hold photographs of the murdered schoolteacher at her funeral in Co Offaly on Wednesday. The 23-year-old was found dead after going for a run on the banks of the Grand Canal in Tullamore. Pupils from Ashling Murphy's class hold photographs of the murdered schoolteacher at her funeral in Co Offaly on Wednesday. The 23-year-old was found dead after going for a run on the banks of the Grand Canal in Tullamore.

IN March last year I wrote about the murder of Sarah Everard by a serving Metropolitan police officer. That case garnered a lot of public attention with marches and vigils and politicians promising to work to ensure such a tragedy wouldn't happen again.

Then, just before Christmas, we had the tragic case of 30-year-old Caoimhe Morgan, murdered in her home in Belfast. She was the 12th woman to be killed in Northern Ireland since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Another consequence of Covid restrictions is that women already suffering domestic abuse found themselves trapped with their abusers 24/7. But, violence against women predates this pandemic, being a pandemic of its own.

The horrific murder of teacher Ashling Murphy has once again shone a spotlight on the dangers women face going about their daily lives. That her attacker felt emboldened to take her life in broad daylight as she jogged not far from roads and businesses highlights the reality that women aren't safe anywhere at any time.

We can but hope that Ashling's killing will lead to a real shift in how society approaches violence against women. A good place to start would be in our schools - we need to address what can only be described as a growing culture of toxic masculinity among boys and young men.

As the father of a son, I have a responsibility to guide him as he grows into manhood. Most of what he will learn from me will be from observing rather than listening.

There is little sense in father's lecturing on the importance of respecting women if we ourselves don't behave in that fashion towards the women with whom we interact.

Neither should it be beyond the capabilities of our social services, police and courts to share information on men convicted of domestic abuse, stalking or sex crimes.

Without such a holistic approach, we will inevitably miss opportunities to identify men whose misogynistic behaviour needs addressing.

As for those men accused of violence against women and where the police believe they continue to pose a threat, no second chances by our courts should be given.

Until some of this has become a reality, I will continue to teach my son to respect women, but I will also teach my daughter to be wary of men.

****

IT is rare to the point of being unique that the NI Assembly manage to come up with a piece of legislation which puts them ahead of the other devolved administrations.

They managed it in 2016 by banning double-jobbing.

It should be remembered this came about after the expenses scandal, when politicians of all parties were found to have employed family members and submitted some rather dubious expenses claims.

We were promised a new dawn, with the recognition it was impossible to be both an MP and an MLA and meet the onerous demands of both jobs.

Most presumed that was the last we would hear of it - until this week, when the lifting of the ban on double-jobbing here was proposed.

The cacophony of criticism from the other parties quickly identified the DUP as the sole beneficiary of such a scheme.

Jeffrey Donaldson suddenly lost interest in continuing to threaten the collapse of the Assembly once assured he would - if elected - be able to lead the DUP at Stormont while holding on to his Westminster seat.

I'm sure Jeffrey was confident his backroom deal with NI Secretary of State Brandon Lewis was a slam-dunk... That was until Boris Johnson summarily scuppered it with a curt answer during a stormy Prime Minister's Questions on Wednesday.

Yet again, Boris has shafted the DUP, and I wonder how many times that party will need kicked before they realise their loyalty to the UK isn't requited. Successive unionist leaders have bolstered the Tories only to find their reward is betrayal, or worse, indifference.

With his back to the wall, Boris will do whatever is necessary in defence of his premiership.

A promise to the DUP was an easy sacrifice which will be followed by junior civil servants and Tory party apparatchiks blamed for holding parties and thrown to the baying press.

All the while Boris, swathed in silk, will hide in his luxuriously refurbished flat, being fed grapes by his most recent wife, whilst outside their window the leader of DUP, prostrate on the cobbles, will be heard crying, "But I love you, why don't you love me?"