I want to die. I do not want to pass over or pass on or cross over. When I die, I give everyone permission to say that I have died and that I am now dead.
I don’t know when these phrases came to prominence, but they have gained a foothold and, if we don’t fight back, they will eventually kill off death and dying.
What was wrong with dying? We know that language changes over time which, in itself, doesn’t change reality, but it can change the way we react to it.
When I die, I hope that no one will be traumatised. Hopefully, some will be sad, some will miss me, and some will shed tears because I have - oops nearly said passed - died.
Until recently I rarely heard the word trauma. It describes very serious physical or psychological distress. But now, anyone who is saddened or shaken by a normal event is said to be traumatised. If so many of us are traumatised, how do we recognise those who are really traumatised from those who are only deeply saddened?
During the terrible revelations of child sexual abuse, I winced every time I heard the commentary that someone’s life was ruined. Ruined is extreme, too negative, in that it ignores all those who courageously rebuilt their lives.
Interestingly, those who have studied these matters recommend that explicit and clear language be used in talking to children about difficult realities. Children should be told that grandad Bradley has died. Telling a child that we have lost grandad or that he has crossed over is more than likely to confuse a child.
But it is not just children who get befuddled. Adults are also affected by imprecise and extreme language. Covid is not just killing people, it is encouraging exaggerated language that is likely to obscure rather than provide clarity.
Few would dispute that many of us are suffering from a lack of socialising and that being locked up for so long has left us in low mood. Naturally, we will talk of being depressed but, when the doors open, and the sun shines again, our mood will lift. That quick recovery, on the other hand, may not be true for someone who has clinical depression.
A mental pandemic is being predicted following Covid. There is certainly going to be negative fallout, but it is also true that humans are incredibly resilient. Especially the children. I heard a teacher talk of her experience of teaching a class on-line. She described a very positive experience for herself and the children. She painted a picture of young people being able to adapt and respond in a very healthy way to abnormal circumstances.
Despite the resilience, the predicted mental health pandemic will be severe, but it will also be very layered. It will range from that low mood to serious and chronic conditions. It will include people who are more fragile and frightened because of the experience. It will affect people who will need to cry a bucketful of tears because of the isolated way their relatives died. It will exhaust and shatter a good number of front-line medical workers who saw too much death in too short a time.
There will also be too many who will have taken to the drink and the tablets to ward off the feelings that they are unable or don’t want to face.
Clear information involves more than language, but George Orwell had a very important point when he argued that slovenly language leads to slovenly thoughts. The pandemic will leave an enormous legacy that will require as much resilience as can be mustered. Clarity between the normal pendulum in human experience and the abnormal that requires expert intervention will be needed more than usual. Clear language, of itself,will not sort out those massive problems but it would be a positive contribution.