Opinion

Claire Simpson: Sharp difference between dreams and reality underlined by this election

UKIP interim leader Pat Mountain
UKIP interim leader Pat Mountain UKIP interim leader Pat Mountain

THE difference between dreams and reality can often be crushing.

You want to see Donegal legend Daniel O’Donnell sing live on The Late Late Show, but instead have to endure Mario Rosenstock’s poor impression. You’d like to see Clement Attlee as prime minister, but instead have to cope with the man who embodies what an animated blond wig would look like if it were stuck to a partly-deflated space hopper.

In sadly short-lived Sky reality show ‘Louie Spence’s Showbusiness’, celebrity agent and talent scout Colin Evans highlighted the dreams versus reality conundrum with admirable clarity.

As part of former Dollar star David Van Day’s comeback in the early 2010s, he and his wife Sue Moxley formed singing duo Rich and Famous - the name being more aspirational than a reflection of their actual status.

Keen to get their comeback video off to a glamorous start, Mr Evans, the duo’s agent, explained that necessary artistic compromises had to be made.

“The original concept was to have it (the video) in a nightclub in central London but now we’ve decided to have it out in Essex by a burger bar in a car park,” he said.

Fittingly, Mr Van Day (born without the Van) was elected as a Conservative councillor in a by-election earlier this year. Thus the downward trajectory from 1980s pin-up and constant feature of my older sister’s ancient copies of My Guy, to veteran artist searching for a comeback, to man who has to listen to complaints about bad parking and malfunctioning street lights in the Thurrock area, was finally complete.

In a few days’ time, the difference between the parties’ election promises (free broadband! a clean Brexit! an immediate return to Stormont even though it's been on hiatus for three years!) and what they can actually deliver will become depressingly apparent.

But for now I’ve been enjoying the colourful characters that each general election throws up.

Last week saw the welcome entrance of interim UKIP leader Pat Mountain. In a campaign characterised by painful, nails-down-a-blackboard, social media videos, Ms Mountain’s incredible ineptitude in front of a television camera really made her stand out.

The politician, whose name is surely that of a minor Father Ted character, gamely told Sky journalist Adam Boulton that her party was targeting several key seats but couldn’t remember any of them.

She also outlined an important UKIP policy of not allowing any migrant who entered the UK from a “safe country”, including the Republic, to remain in Britain - a policy which Mr Boulton pointed out was the same as the current position under European Union law.

Reassuring Mr Boulton that UKIP, which has been accused of racism and having links to the far-right, was open to everyone, she said while the party had no black candidates they did have a candidate who “I think he’s Indian…but I don’t know the detail”.

Her inability to be over her brief, or indeed any brief, was surprisingly reassuring. It showed that in 2019 you can lead a political party with no knowledge of that party’s policies or election candidates. It showed that you can really say anything on national TV and there will be no consequences. I look forward to informing Irish News readers that Arlene Foster has earned her gold fáinne and Gerry Adams has taken up grouse shooting with absolutely no effect on my job status.

Rather than be depressed by Ms Mountain’s performance thus far, I’m disappointed she won’t be staying on as UKIP leader past January 31. Her frank admission that the full-time position was “not for me” showed the indifferent leadership skills we’ve all been waiting for. Rather than the vaunting ambition of a Boris Johnson, we might be better off with a prime minister who’d rather not stay in post past the new year.

Unfortunately, this week could see Mr Johnson returned with a majority. His blustering, ill-prepared, heifer-in-a-glass-factory approach doesn’t seem to have remotely affected his standing.

We’d all like to be in a glamorous London location but instead reality dictates that we often find ourselves having to endure a car park in Essex.