Opinion

Fionnuala O Connor: Crunch time at Westminster could spell curtains for the DUP 10

Nigel Dodds is the DUP's leader at Westminster. Picture by House of Commons/PA Wire
Nigel Dodds is the DUP's leader at Westminster. Picture by House of Commons/PA Wire Nigel Dodds is the DUP's leader at Westminster. Picture by House of Commons/PA Wire

Has anyone in Downing Street the time or inclination at the minute, do you think, to try soothing the savage and unquiet breast of Sammy Wilson or Arlene Foster?

Hard to picture Nigel Dodds and Sir Jeffrey savage, but unquiet at the moment all ten may well be. If an election is to rear up it might be curtains for the crucial nature of their ten votes. Flouting the interests of farmers at home to vote against the Northern Ireland grain, their trouble has been a long time coming.

Showdown scenarios in Westminster are stacking up like deliveries may soon be at Calais and Carrickarnon, sacked ministers pawing the ground to get back at this government and its boisterous, brassy frontman. The stroke of shutting parliament down to prevent anti-No Deal measures has struck the place all of a heap. Sajid Javid’s scheduled announcement tomorrow of shedloads of pre-election sweeteners is the almost normal bit.

The young Javid aide relieved of her phones and frog-marched out of Number 10 last Thursday by an armed policeman, that’s where the plot turns telly-thrillerish. Only the fact of it being Spad on Spad aggression dampens down the melodrama.

All the same, Boris Johnson henchman or over-mighty consigliere D. Cummings, who took the phones and went out to the street to find the frog-marching copper, is clearly a piece of work.

Javid’s indignation, ostensibly at least in part on behalf of his sacked aide emerged in fury that nobody had warned him before the Cummings strike. But by the following day Javid was feeding out the line that he and prime minister Boris have a ‘fantastic’ relationship. Fantastic, as in fantasy, sounds about right.

Loyalty is demanded in a squad that serially defied their previous leader’s pleas. Ex-chancellor Philip Hammond points out that eight current ministers voted down the May deal (which might well be tweaked and pushed out again soon), and that none of them faced the threat of expulsion Johnson is now making to Hammond and co.

Hard to exaggerate the mutual loathing sluicing around those corridors, inside and outside Number 10. Days ago Johnson ministers faced cameras to bat away the likelihood of parliament being suspended for longer than usual – ‘prorogation? Bah’ - only to have it confirmed at speed. Nobody likes to be made to look out of the loop, but who cares about an on-air whopper. These are people for the most part primarily convinced of their own importance.

Michael Gove, almost laughably mistrusted, managed on Sunday to avoid directly answering the suspicion that government would ignore legislation blocking no deal. But he was definite about the consequences. ‘Everyone will have the food they need. No, there will be no shortages of fresh food.’

Retailers in Britain denied that immediately. Aodhán Connolly for Northern Ireland retailers said, ‘Quite simply, that isn’t true’, adding that every minute’s delay costs a pound and means prices will go up. As Connolly always argues with authority, since people have less to spend on food here than in ‘Great British households, we'll feel them first and we'll feel them hardest.’

The irony is that someone like Hammond may well continue to stand up to Johnson, and Cummings, because he made his money before going into Westminster and can well afford to leave it now. Bit players are left to fret.

Dodds, Donaldson and the volcano that is Sammy, what are they thinking off the stage? What do they want from Foster, their nominal leader? Picture it; Arlene being shepherded with Nigel and Jeffrey from a lesser parlour having had the smallest update from Gove when the woman with the grim face catches the burning eye of Cummings, policing his realm.

Cummings: ‘?’ Gove: That’s Arlene Foster, DUP leader. Cummings: ‘But no bowler hat?’ Gove: Oh now, Ulster unionism is more than the Orange'', and off he strolls, humming the Sash. Cummings thinks...so Michael thinks we’re running this together. Hah.