Opinion

Anita Robinson: Home decorating can test the strongest relationships

Decorating can test even the strongest relationship
Decorating can test even the strongest relationship Decorating can test even the strongest relationship

A property developer recently expressed the opinion that “renovating a home together is a really exciting and fun time for couples.” Hah! Where did he get that idea? Not from any couples I know.

It’s a tension-filled undertaking that can bring a relationship to breaking-point faster than paint can dry. Television ads compound the lie with their idyllic scenarios – the little woman skipping about in dungarees with her hair in bunches, the man of the house up a ladder, wielding a roller with precisely the right amount of paint on it, anointing the ceiling in smooth, even strokes. Such is not the unvarnished reality. At no stage does she point out to him that he’s missed a bit, nor remark “that’ll need a second coat.” But I run ahead of myself…

It all begins when she brings home the new Dulux brochure and a concertina of shade cards and leaves them lying casually about. No man I know ever instigates re-decoration. Now, here’s a thing. It’s a scientifically proven fact that, apart from male design gurus, many men aren’t good at distinguishing gradations of colour, particularly on the blue/green spectrum. I know. I was married to such a one.

For example, there are blue-based greens which are ‘cold’ and yellow-based greens which are ‘warm’. Either can affect the look and feel of a room – so sit down with your Significant Other before you go to the DIY store or stick to safe neutrals – though even these are a minefield. Warn him against the fanciful shade names paint makers put on their product, e.g. ‘Wooden Spoon’, ‘Cheeky Wink’, ‘Expectation’ and ‘Wind Chime’. (I’m not making these up.) People gleefully lay bets with each other to find the daftest shade name and get it accepted for the brochure. Even straightforward descriptors are misleading. ‘Apple White’ is pale green, ‘Rose White’ is pink as a peeled prawn. ‘Magnolia’ of course, is for estate agents and people with no imagination.

Our first house was a three-storey Victorian terrace with a view over the river, but not a straight wall in it. We smothered it in woodchip wallpaper painted over in ‘Cameo’ – an indeterminate shade somewhere between Germolene, salmon and knicker pink, depending on the time of day and the angle of the light.

When we moved to a new build, the Loving Spouse surveyed its impeccably finished plaster and declared, “No wallpaper in this house. Ever!” Bless him, it was his only sanction. I was given free rein as to the decor, but that didn’t preclude frequent rows over my pernickety insistence on exactly the right shades. The new walls were stippled with a measles rash of near-identical match-pot samples. “Can’t you see?” I’d plead, “Some are warm, some cool.” “Fergawdsake! Ivory’s ivory!” he’d shout. “Just buy it and I’ll put it on!” This scenario was re-enacted in a variety of colours in every room in the house. So much for decorating as “an exciting and fun time for couples,” perpetuated in our case by my insistence that our neutral palette remain exactly the same – forever. You’d think this would ensure a permanent paint-choice truce – but no. Paint firms change their colour names frequently and having thrown out the old tins, we hadn’t the mix-code numbers, so there was the annual contention over finding ‘the nearest-thing’.

Perhaps I ought to mention a recent poll of 2,000 couples by ‘Ideal Home’ which revealed there are more than 130 MILLION domestic tiffs every year over decor, DIY and renovations. Paint colours are the biggest battleground, causing 46 per cent of rows, with 41 per cent claiming their taste is superior to their partner’s. An astonishing 13 per cent have split with a partner after a clash over re-decorating. Just saying…

Now that the probing rays of spring sunshine are throwing your little dilapidations into high relief and the Easter holidays are likely to be “a really exciting and fun time” shrouded in dustsheets, I trust you’ll find this article helpful. Remember, you may have to live with not just the colour, but the consequences.