Opinion

Tom Kelly: Men's Sheds are a great way to make friends and combat loneliness

Tom Kelly

Tom Kelly

Tom Kelly is an Irish News columnist with a background in politics and public relations. He is also a former member of the Policing Board.

Shedders: (left to right) Kieran Morgan, Simon Casey, Martin Rea, John O'Brien and Jimmy Owens at Rostrevor Men's Shed
Shedders: (left to right) Kieran Morgan, Simon Casey, Martin Rea, John O'Brien and Jimmy Owens at Rostrevor Men's Shed Shedders: (left to right) Kieran Morgan, Simon Casey, Martin Rea, John O'Brien and Jimmy Owens at Rostrevor Men's Shed

It was a freezing Saturday morning and I walked gingerly across the square in Rostrevor.

Rather ominously, I was informed my destination was in the direction of the public toilets.

An old school chum - who kept reminding me just how old we are - had invited me to to visit the local Men’s Shed. He said it would give Irish News readers a break from politics. He could be right as these days politics is much more like a merry-go-round than a rollercoaster.

I was given a second incentive - the promise of home made cherry bakewells.

As a concept, men’s sheds are quite alien to me as I am the kind of guy who likes to come home and pull up the drawbridge. After a day at work I like nothing better than closing the door on the world and opening up a nice Rioja or Albarino.

In a recent survey carried out in the Republic of Ireland 42 per cent of men interviewed felt it would be a failure to seek help for any form of mental distress. In Northern Ireland 77 per cent of those who considered suicide between 2005 and 2011 were men. Men are also four times more likely than women to follow through on taking their own lives.

Behind every tragic headline of a person who takes their own life lies the tragedy of someone who could not express their feelings, articulate their anxieties or ask for help.

Ironically they are often surrounded by people and may even have cheerful exteriors. As a writer I feel somewhat fortunate in that I can expunge my feelings through prose. It's my way of letting steam out of the kettle. A kind of rescue button.

Study after study shows that men are less able to express emotions or seek social support when they need it most. Anthony McPartlin, the taller half of Ant and Dec, recently admitted to needing counselling for depression while the burly Labour bruiser and former deputy prime minister John Prescott admitted to suffering from bulimia. Most men don’t have deep emotional wells and not everyone can feel comfortable enough to express ‘a little quiver’ coming down the stairs of Number 10 in the way that Leo Varadkar did.

Men’s Sheds started in Australia, not a country known for its men being in touch with their inner being. The notion is to provide a nurturing environment for men to bond, combat loneliness, make friends, or simply hang out together and share or learn new skills. Many of those who join Men’s Sheds are retired - and are simply at a loss as what to do. Women are much better at adapting in retirement because they are great ‘joiners’ of things. Men are not.

Rostrevor Men’s Shed is quite different to some others. Some Sheds are compromised of retired men only. The Shedders in Kilbroney are a dynamic mix of young, middle aged hipsters, baby boomers and grandads. Some members join to make new friends after a bereavement, losing a job or retiring; others join because they started a new job and have just moved to the area. Some simply join for the craic. And the tea! In the space of one hour I drank three mugs of builder's tea. If Father Ted’s Mrs Doyle has a male equivalent he’s alive and well in Rostrevor.

The mix of people is quite eclectic too - on my visit I met an engineer who built a gravity defying BBQ, an architect who bakes whiskey laced Christmas cakes, an accountant who creates wooden clocks, a lawyer who made doors and a historian who likes history. The truly skilled do practical things as the council donated house could do with some serious TLC and heat.

The dynamic within the group is actually tangible. It’s a safe space. Some have skills. Some don’t. But they all bring themselves to the table, the yard, polytunnel and yes, a shed. The green fingered do a nifty line in plants and vegetables. The less skilled dig and hold things. Listening to the banter in the shed, the two things you do need to have is a healthy dose of humour and a hide like a rhinoceros!

In a world that is so digitally interconnected it's wonderful to be reminded that physical human interaction is still irreplaceable.

The late Robin Williams said the worst thing in the world wasn’t being alone “but to end up with people who make you feel alone.” That won’t happen in a Men’s Shed.

PS, I never got those cherry bakewells.