Here’s an idea for a game to get you through the festive season. I’m calling it “Fantasy Political Adviser” and you get different people around the table to pretend they have been tasked with guiding our political leaders as to the move that would do most to burnish their image and enhance their career-prospects.
Gamesmaster: You there with the funny hat, what would you tell Leo Varadkar to do next?
Player A: “Well, taoiseach, you have been very lucky in the last little while. Having gone too far in standing by your deputy head of government, Frances Fitzgerald, when questions were raised about her time as minister for justice, the outlook for you was not good. But the gods decided to give you a break. The fracas between the Tory government and the Democratic Unionist Party on Brexit took the spotlight away from problems on your home patch. And by taking a strong line, at least in rhetorical terms, against a hard border post-Brexit, you regained lost ground with the punters.
“But taoiseach, public opinion is a fickle creature, especially in this age of social media. The trolls are lying in wait for you, so my advice is to go to the country while your image as head of government is still fresh and new. March or April, when the weather has improved, would be the best time. But do it ahead of the referendum on the abortion ban in the Irish constitution which is expected in May or June and could unleash a lot of passion and antagonism. Don’t waste the feelgood factor, taoiseach!”
Gamesmaster: Thank you very much, Player A. Now it’s the turn of our friend who nearly choked on the plum pudding earlier. What angle would you take with the DUP leader, if you were part of her inner circle?
Player B: “Arlene, please be nice to the nationalists. Bend over backwards to accommodate their demands. Stand up to your hardliners and get them to take a reality check. You’re being overshadowed by your Westminster MPs, especially Nigel Dodds. An Irish language act would not amount to flying the tricolour over Stormont Buildings. The demographics are changing and tectonic plates are shifting, so you should be seeking to form a de facto alliance with moderate nationalism. It’s the only way to stave off the evil day of a united Ireland, although, come to think of it, would it really be all that bad, provided the British still paid the block grant for a while?”
Gamesmaster: In the spirit of even-handedness, we need to have regard to the Sinn Féin side of the house. Wake up you, yes you, the one who’s been dozing off after too much brandy and not enough ginger ale. How would you counsel Michelle O’Neill and the likely successor to Gerry Adams, Mary Lou McDonald?
Player C: “My advice to the bearers of the republican banner is to get back into the executive, re-establish the power-sharing administration and revive the dreams of peace and harmony inspired at home and abroad by the Good Friday Agreement. It’s not good enough to write-off the unionists as a bunch of stubborn dunderheads: you’ve got to live with them. Look at the acrobatic manoeuvres performed in the name of constructive ambiguity in London and Brussels about the Irish border. And get a distinguished outsider to chair the Stormont talks: George Mitchell, if he’s available, otherwise Kofi Annan of United Nations fame, or maybe a former US president or White House candidate. What’s Obama doing these days? Bill Clinton always loved Ireland. Hillary has time on her hands. Think big: the stakes are high. You can’t be comfortable when key figures of civic nationalism in the north look for solidarity from Leo Varadkar, leader of the Fine Gael party, whose predecessors signed the Treaty in 1921 and consigned republicans to the wilderness. They should be looking to you instead. It’s time for Sinn Féin to step up to the plate, tectonic or otherwise.”
Gamesmaster: All right, we’ve time for one more. Telly-addict in the corner, you’ve seen that Christmas movie ten times already. What words of wisdom you would dispense to Theresa May?
Player D: “Madam Prime Minister, you’ve been having a hard time of late. Despite your official pronouncements on Brexit, you come across as a closet remainer. Maybe it’s time to put it up to Boris and that fellow Gove by declaring for a second referendum. The result was pretty narrow last time and now Brexit is turning into the divorce from hell. A lot of the Labour people would probably support such a move. The political establishment in Dublin can advise you on this, they’ve done it in the past. Go for it, Theresa!”
Gamesmaster: We’ll leave it there so. God bless us every one.
@ddebreadun
