The partner of a talented Co Antrim musician who took his own life has called on men to open up and be "transparent with what you are going through".
Clodagh Butler said she wanted to speak out following the death of her boyfriend of 12 years, Patrick McGowan because "people need to realise that talking about these things is not a weakness. Being able to do it is a strength".
Having grown up together in Ballycastle, Clodagh (31) and Patrick (29), a musician who played the drums, guitar and bass, moved to south Belfast seven years ago where they lived with their three dogs and two cats.
Clodagh said Patrick had had "issues with mental health for as long as I have known him" and had been on medication however despite being referred to counselling a number of times, was unable to move forward with it when the appointments arrived.
On Sunday, March 7, Clodagh found Patrick at their home. He had taken his own life.
The 31-year-old said the loss of her partner "feels like part of me has gone", adding that his death had "completely rocked every fibre of my being".
"I have felt grief before but it wasn't like this. This makes my whole body hurt," she said.
"We were partners for 12 years but we have also known each other from we were nine and 10. We have been in each other's lives for most of our lives.
"His mum and granny doted on him. He was their boy. Anyone who knew Paddy loved him. He was quiet and shy until he got behind a drum kit.
"He was reserved, polite. Just really sweet. He was just so kind and so soft but also really funny. He was just all around amazing".
Clodagh said she believes the Covid-19 restrictions and lock-downs had made life all the more difficult for Patrick, who was in a band called Gravepath, as they were unable to continuing recording their album or meet up for practice.
"He would go to practice twice a week," she said.
"They were talking to each other every day but it wasn't the same as going to the studio with the boys. That was his outlet. Music in general was his thing.
"I think lockdown did add to it. Not being able to do those weekly things that were his release".
Clodagh called on men to try to be more open about how they are feeling.
"I understand it is difficult to open up and talk," she said.
"Opening up, talking, being transparent with what you are going through, it needs to start happening. It needed to start happening 10 years ago. They are as human as everyone else.
"People need to realise that talking about these things is not a sign of weakness. Being able to do it is a strength".
She added: "I wish Paddy could see how much he was truly loved by everybody."
**Anyone in need of help can contact Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 or the Samaritans on 116 123
