Day 14 of General Election 2016 campaigning and the bunfight is no cakewalk.
Taoiseach Enda Kenny dimissed his party's latest slide in the opinion polls with a colourful turn of phrase, saying he never expected the election to be a "cakewalk". The term refers to an easy task, and originates from a strutting dance popularised by black Americans in the 19th century, where a cake was the winning prize.
Voters were left wondering who stole Michéal Martin's scone when the Fianna Fáil leader turned on RTÉ broadcaster Aine Lawor during a lunctime radio interview. "Aine, can I just make a point to you?
I listened to Leo Varadkar's interview on Morning Ireland today and he didn't have this aggressive intervening and interrupting I do every time I try to put a point across," came the tart intervention, live from Galway's Meyrick Hotel, renowned for its afternoon teas. "I would appreciate it if I was allowed the same space that government ministers are allowed on RTÉ programmes," Mr Martin said.
Health minister Mr Varadkar had accused his predecessor Mr Martin of acting like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the film Total Recall who "manages to have alternative memories planted in his brain." Vardakar said: "It seems to me that that's where we are with Michéal Martin, who has created a whole fairy tale about his period in health and, not dissimilar, his period in foreign affairs when he was partially responsible for the agreement with the Troika and the European Commission that he seems also to have forgotten about."
After charges of amnesia came accusations of somnambulism. Jobs minister Richard Bruton warned voters they may be sleepwalking into a change of government. "I have been involved in a lot of elections but this in my view is the most important election that I've ever stood in because there is a real danger that Irish voters will sleepwalk into making a decision that they will regret for a great number of years to come." That's you told sleepy voters.
Labour leader and Tanaiste Joan Burton gave her critics a dusting down over claims her hand gestures were a distraction on televised appearances, saying she wouldn't be "standing back and sitting down and you know, doing a bit of Downton Abbey and the tea cups".
Speaking of historical dramas, Siptu conceded its hoped for "once in a century" opportunity of a left-wing government would not be possible this time around, and called for a strong Labour vote to put manners on the right-wing masters of the next upstairs downstairs coalition.
