Billie Eilish has opened up about her mental health struggles, saying she suffered from depression and body dysmorphia and used to self-harm.
The music sensation, 17, told Rolling Stone magazine that life was “pretty rough” for her between the ages of 13 and 16.
She said she was at her “most insecure” after joining a dance company at 12 and that things got so bad she could not look at herself in a mirror.
“When I think about it or see pictures of me then, I was so not OK with who I was,” said Eilish.
“At dance, you wear really tiny clothes. And I’ve never felt comfortable in really tiny clothes. I was always worried about my appearance.
“That was the peak of my body dysmorphia. I couldn’t look in the mirror at all.”
Eilish had to quit dance after rupturing the growth plate in her hip and said “that’s when the depression started”.
“It sent me down a hole,” said the singer.
“I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.”
She added: “When anyone else thinks about Billie Eilish at 14, they think of all the good things that happened.
“But all I can think of is how miserable I was. How completely distraught and confused.
“Thirteen to 16 was pretty rough.”
Eilish said things have improved and that 17 has been the best year of her life so far.
But she revealed that, although she loves what she does and feels lucky to have the opportunity, her success has a downside.
She said she was so anxious before she headed out on tour that she vomited.
She said: “I just couldn’t take the fact that I had to leave again. It felt like an endless limbo. Like there was no end in sight.
“Thinking about that literally made me throw up. I’m not a throw-upper, but I threw up twice, from the anxiety.”
