The platform that brought you The Dress and Yanny Or Laurel has another weighty issue for the world to argue about: if baguettes could move, how would they move?
The debate comes courtesy of Twitter user Dave, aka sheepfilms, who produced animations showing four potential mechanics for a baguette’s self-propulsion.
If baguettes could move, how would they move? Give your reasoning pls pic.twitter.com/dZ3Oq7E9Ph
— Dave (@sheepfilms) February 7, 2019
Dave described the four variations as worm, gallop, robot rotate and caterpillar.
And it was the robot rotate option which appeared to get the most support from fellow Twitter users, because of the fact it does least damage to the crust.
3 – it’s the only form of locomotion that leaves the crust reasonably intact. The others are all possible but the bread would scream the entire time (this is actually where the French word ‘pain’ originates)
— AJ Jefferies (@moonjam) February 7, 2019
3 is the most delicious baguette. Or it is months old. Or if we are giving this bread moving capabilities at all, why wouldn’t it just propel forward, flat like a locomotive? Or roll on its side maybe https://t.co/hphBzgkCmF
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 7, 2019
Definitely 3. No flexibility.
— Anthony Thomas (@ant_thomas) February 7, 2019
That mechanic got some particularly notable support in the shape of Walter Shaub, former director of the United States Office of Government Ethics.
3 because the others are super gross
— Walter Shaub (@waltshaub) February 8, 2019
But the other methods had their supporters too.
The second one seems more efficient, plus there is minimal friction with the ground, keeping the baguette edible (if you cut the ends. "Les croûtons" as we say in french.)
— -Boulet- (@Bouletcorp) February 7, 2019
I'm in the minority here but I'm going with number one because baguette doesn't have bones.
— love,,,bird 🌲 (@Bagofingers) February 7, 2019
Surely itd be 4??? 3 wld mean its pure stale n who likes their bread like tht https://t.co/uhqNTn4Vw3
— euan (@euandonaghy) February 8, 2019
Some suggested a different type of movement entirely.
I think they soar through the air, either like a missile or a boomerang.
— Jim Lippard (@lippard) February 7, 2019
I voted 2 but somebody else suggested hopping on its end which I would also vote for because these moves are jaunty, and baguettes are very jaunty.
— One Fine Weasel (@onefineweasel) February 7, 2019
You forgot the most obvious option: rolling sideways
— KrispyKrémeMcdonald (@SourCreamMcSalt) February 7, 2019
And some didn’t want to put limits on the baguette.
They can do any, it depends on the baguette's mood
— John McArthur (@DeltaHuskyote) February 7, 2019
A survey showed a clear winner with the robot rotate method way out in front.
Here's a survey. How would a baguette move?
— Dave (@sheepfilms) February 7, 2019
But to confuse matters further, Dave announced there were four more options on the way.
— Dave (@sheepfilms) February 7, 2019
Will we ever know the definitive answer to how baguettes would move if they could move?