11 descriptions of professions that make them sound much dodgier than they are

‘I hand out drugs and sometimes stab people.'

How can you describe your legal, legitimate job so it sounds illegal or sketchy?

This is the question a Reddit user posed to their fellows, and some of the best answers redefine professions – to troubling and fiercely entertaining effect.

1. Funeral director

Stranger Things Funeral GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

2. Photography instructor, from user andotis0105

“I instruct people on how to efficiently shoot other people in a variety of situations.”

Photography GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

3. Firefighter

Door Help GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

4. Pharmacist, from user victorkilosierralpha

“I literally do nothing but sell drugs all day.”

Shocked Scientist GIF by South Park  - Find & Share on GIPHY

5. Nurse

Drama Discussion GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

6. Lawyer, from user FdBM

“I mislead judges.”

Sarcastic Jim Carrey GIF by Cheezburger - Find & Share on GIPHY

7. Airline pilot

Happy Well Done GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

8. Insurance seller, from user W0mbatJuice

“You throw us some money every year & we promise to protect you. That is, if you read carefully…”

Anxiety Insurance GIF by People of Earth TBS - Find & Share on GIPHY

9. School IT technician

Computer Hacking GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

10. Masseuse instructor, protegomyeggo

“I teach people (some as young as 18) how to lie a person on a table and touch their naked body in all the right ways, then collect money for it.”

Cat Tap GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

11. Bartender

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