What’s better than following Twitter banter? Following Twitter banter by two fantasy novelists, of course.
Authors Sam Sykes (The Mortal Tally, An Affinity for Steel) and Chuck Wendig (Star Wars: Aftermath, Blackbirds) had a rather lengthy Twitter exchange that sounded kinda like the plot of a classic horror/slasher film.
No wait, it sounded exactly like the plot of a classic horror/slasher film.
It all started with Sykes asking Wendig for advice.
@ChuckWendig yo, can you help me out
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
And Wendig appeared eager to oblige.
hey what do you need
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
Then Sykes laid it all out for him.
I don't know if I told you but I recently became a camp counselor
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
that's cool
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
But things took a rather *scary* turn.
it was going super well but there's some kind of crazed serial killer roaming the grounds right now
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
oh shit that sometimes happens
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
you got any advice? they're all dead. like, almost everyone
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
okay first I hate to ask this but are you sure YOU are not the killer?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
I can't be 100% sure
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
see yeah I wondered
are you covered in blood?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
no
wait, yes
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
is it your blood?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
how can you tell?
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
well, are you bleeding?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
I don't think so, no
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
And soon a mystery was unfolding (with a little help from a few horror tropes, of course).
okay, okay, lets see, what else
oh I know
are you holding a weapon? probably a sharp one?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
hang on, let me check
is a machete a weapon
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
in this context, yes
but! It could be because you are protecting yourself so
last question
are you wearing some kind of… creepy mask?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
like subjective creepy or objective creepy
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
generally, the creepiness will be broadly creepy like to a mass audience, so, lets go with objectively
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
okay so what kind of professions might be considered creepy
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
like, I dunno, a clown, or a human scarecrow, or a plague doctor from a long time ago
… wait you are wearing a mask aren't you
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
yeah but I don't know if it's creepy
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
okay let's take creepy out of the equation
what kind of mask are you wearing?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
a wooden mask whose empty eyes drink in the light and whose jagged grin suggests it was carved, forced upon it when it didn't laugh
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
oh see, yeah, yep, that's creepy
that's not even a job or anything that's just
I mean, you found an evil mask and put it on
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
Sykes then insisted he was looking for advice, as opposed to being judged.
all right I can appreciate that but I came for advice not judgment
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
okay, fair enough
hey, so, I Googled all this stuff and it looks a whole lot like you are the killer, so that's a plus for you
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
all right cool coolso what does one typically do in these situations
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
Then Sykes got delivered the bad news.
well, good news is, you can probably feel free to just kill more people
but uhhh
there is bad news too
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
oh boylet's hear it
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
so, generally speaking, like, mooooost of the time, you're gonna get got
probably by the last person you choose to kill
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
oh fuck, you might be rightthere's like three or four of those guys still running around
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
right, yeah, so if you kill all of them, the last one you go to kill will totally turn the tables on you
but there is more good news
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
oh, sweet, I was hoping for an upside
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
upside: you won't just die
you'll get to keep coming back with new chances to kill, kill, kill
but, yknow, more bad news, too
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
jeez this is a real emotional rollercoasterwhat's the bad news?
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
you're still probably gonna die
so, one option is, you just quit now
you just like, stop killing and go do some other shit
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
so okay I agree that SOUNDS really intelligent but I'm kind of in the middle of the woods so…like…what else is there to do?
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
Although Wendig appeared to be *genuinely* trying to help.
you could walk away and find a video arcade or maybe a fast food place
if you stay in the woods the kids are probably gonna nail you tho
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
right, the last one will, you saidso, like, just between us?
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
sure go on total cone of silence
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
like, totally hypothetically not doing it, but you said the LAST one would kill meso like, so long as there's two left, I'm okay, right
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
I mean, maybe
the math sounds legit
is the mask demanding you kill them? like, real talk time
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
not exactly?so, like, I don't do what this thing tells me but I am agreeing with a lot of what it says
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
so maybe you and the mask just share a hobby
that's nice
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
it's pretty good, actually. you know how when you meet someone and they're not friends YET but you can tell you're gonna be GOOD friends?
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
oh yeah it's just like, total sympatico!
where did you find the mask?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
in the woods on a nature hikesome crazy desiccated corpse was holding onto it, ringed by salt and bound with crucifixes
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
sure, I would've picked that up to, just for shits and giggles
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
like I just wanted to do it for the STORY, you know? just to say I've done itanyway, I put it on and a LOT of people started dying
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
yep, pretty classic case
so, I figure you can kill maybe two more but if you wanna be safe go with like, one
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
all right yeah, coolbut hypothetically, if I killed, like, three, how bad would that be
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
welp
you'd PROBABLY die
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
And then Sykes decided to own up to what he was really up to.
so here's the crazy thingand, like, get ready because you're going to laugh when you hear this
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
go on
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
I killed all three and thought "huh, that's weird, chuck said one of them would kill me"but get this, just listen
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
uh oh
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
Although, as you’d expect, things aren’t really going well for him now.
this one I THOUGHT I killed way back at the beginning came back at the very end all beat up and bruised and looking for vengeance
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
see, that's a thing, yeah
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
anyway this is kind of awkward because I'm trapped under a girder in a boathouse and all this gasoline is seeping in
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
oh
ohhhhhh
hey, so
bad news
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
oh boythis isn't great, is it
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
you are on the way to your inevitable and ineluctable end
but!
good news, maybe
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
oh, sweet sweethey if I log off it's because this broken, flaming lantern on the edge of the table fell off
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
However, luckily for Sykes, the notorious slasher always finds his way back from the dead.
okay, yeah, so, here's the good news
there's always a sequel
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
sweet, sweet
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
so hey, thanks for talking to me about it, it really means a lotI guess I'll see you in…two? three years?
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) July 28, 2017
see you when lightning strikes your dread grave, pal
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 28, 2017
The End.
