BEING occasionally thrown the keys to a £90,000 luxury saloon and told to get on with it for a week is, along with an office blessed with some of the best views in Belfast, one of the benefits of being fortunate enough to write about cars for the Irish News, writes William Scholes.
OK, I lied about the office views. But the rest of it is right, though on this occasion the luxury saloon in question - BMW's stupendous 7 Series - was in my custody for more than a week.
I'd have needed longer just to read the handbook, though, because the 7 Series is laden with more technology than Currys at Christmas. I have even heard rumours the handbook itself is thicker than Donald Trump - or did they say Donald Trump's autobiography? - and needs its own flat-bed lorry to carry it.
You name it, this BMW's got it. It's also got a lot of stuff you've probably not thought of.
I'm normally an enemy of the exclamation mark, but for the Seven I'll make an exception: Night vision! Gesture control! Remote control parking! TVs for back seat passengers! Its own tablet computer! Wireless headphones! A scent dispenser! More cameras than the Irish News picture desk! Massaging seats! Furry dice! You get the picture!
All of this bleeding edge tech was greeted with wide-eyed enthusiasm and slack-jawed amazement by my seven-year-old co-tester.
Indeed, so overawed was he that he needed to immediately draft in a friend to help him deliver a full assessment of whether the rear quarters were indeed fit for purpose.
Whether BMW envisaged that purpose being how effectively CBBC's Sunday afternoon output was rendered on the iPad-like TV screens in front of two primary school boys is another question.
I suspect whisking captains of industry, Russian oligarchs and prime ministers around Davos was more along the lines of what it had in mind, but the brains in Munich can relax, for the 7 Series passed Isaac and Ben's rigorous examinations with ease.
'My' car was a - deep breath - 740Ld xDrive M Sport.
At first glance this might look like a refugee from an algebra textbook, but in BMW-speak it denotes a 7 Series with a long-wheelbase, four-wheel-drive, an eight-speed automatic gearbox and a 3.0-litre six-cylinder diesel engine breathed upon by two turbochargers.
In real terms, that means you get a car that is more comfortable than sleep itself yet drives with the agility of something half its size and the performance of a proper sports car. Grip and acceleration both seem limitless.
More so than something like the rival Mercedes-Benz S-Class, the 7 Series has always been conflicted about whether it wants to be a full-on limousine or simply a very large sports saloon.
That conflict reaches its most satisfactory resolution yet in this latest 7 Series, perhaps because the technology beneath the skin - carbon fibre construction, air suspension, gearbox and engine trickery - has reached a level where it can play both parts effectively.
So while Isaac and Ben worked out how to get the wireless headphones to function and debated whether the tablet in the armrest between their BA business class-style seats in the back was indeed a Samsung, I was able to get on with the real business of actually enjoying driving the 740.
As is the way with cars of this sort, various modes can be selected according to the mood of either driver or passengers.
Comfort tends to the, erm, comfortable while the suspension tautens appreciably in sport mode.
Adaptive mode is the cleverest of the lot, essentially reading the road itself and the driver's inputs to adjust suspension, gearbox, engine and so on accordingly.
It would take months to get a handle on all the technology packed into the 7 Series, and it would take me far more than the 1,000 or so words I've allocated myself for this report to explain them properly.
For now I'll take but two of the Seven's signposts to the future - gesture control and remote control parking.
Gesture control allows you, with the wave of a hand, to turn the sound system's volume up and down or answer a phone call. That's the theory, in any case.
Too often I found myself making a winding motion with my finger in mid-air and nothing happening - in other words, looking ridiculous, or more ridiculous than usual - and it's a technology that needs fine-tuning.
Remote control parking is an outstanding party piece, however.
The 7 Series comes with a so-called smart key which looks a lot like a miniature smartphone.
From its screen you can check bits of information about the car - how far the fuel left in the tank will carry you, for example - and also control the remote parking.
Standing outside the car, you can start the engine and, by stroking your finger along the smart key, drive the car backwards or forwards.
The practical purpose is that it allows the driver to get out of the car and park it in a narrow space - or reverse it out of a tight space before getting in - but it's also good fun, and I didn't tire of demonstrating it to the unsuspecting who were shocked at the sight of a car moving without anyone in the driver's seat...
It all happens at very low speed - even Manchester United's defence moves faster - and the car's sensors are on high alert to slam on the brakes should they detect anything nearby. Also, the car stops as soon as the operator's finger relaxes on the smart key's button.
However, it's easy to imagine that pretty soon we'll be able to order our cars to remotely perform more complicated manoeuvres and that this sort of technology will percolate down to more mainstream models.
And that's why cars like the BMW 7 Series and its counterparts from Mercedes-Benz and Audi are of relevance to people like you and me; not because we are habitually chauffeured in limousines or seeking to spend £80-£90,000 on a car, but because they presage the future.
They point to the technology and engineering that will filter down to the sorts of cars that we will be driving in just a few years.
With the 7 Series, BMW in particular has struck a fine balance between technological assistance and driving enjoyment.
If that's what the future holds, then keen drivers don't need to worry about the fun disappearing from their cars and the computer chips completely taking over.
And maybe by the time Isaac and Ben are driving themselves, gesture control will work properly...
:: SEVEN 7 SERIES STAND-OUT FEATURES
1. Surround View - brain-fuddling parking cameras which give a bird's eye view of the car have been around for a while but the 7 Series takes this to an even more jaw-dropping level by putting a fully-rendered 3D image of the car and its surroundings on the screen. The picture can be rotated and zoomed. It's as if Google Streetview is looking directly at your car, in real time.
2. Gesture control - simply by using hand movements, you can adjust audio volume and adjust or reject phone calls, zoom into maps and more without touching the screen or pushing a button. That's the theory, but in practice it needs a bit of fine tuning...
3. Laser headlights - the 7 Series gets lighthouse spec LED lights as standard but for extra cash you can order laser-powered lights. These have a 600 metre high beam range - double the best LEDs can muster - and automatically adapt the shape and intensity of the beam as required. BMW claim they are always glare-free to oncoming vehicles.
4. Sweet-smelling - tick the box for the ambient air package and for £265 your 7 Series gets ionised air and the ability to fill the interior with a choice of fragrances.
5. Light fantastic - the 7 Series makes generous use of LEDs to create distinctive ambient light effects inside the car. Outside, an eye-catching feature is the so-called light carpet - unlock the car, and an illuminated striped pattern ushers you towards the doors. The technology that achieves this is cleverer than Spock, and the end result is both elegant and useful.
6. Lightweight - a large, tech-laden car like the 7 Series is never going to be featherweight but BMW has managed to shed around 130kg compared to outgoing models. Extensive use of carbon fibre reinforced plastic in the passenger cell - similar to the way it is also used in the i3 and i8 - is key to the weight saving.
7. Remote parking - the 7 Series gets a chunky so-called 'display key' as standard. Both a remote control and a touchscreen, it allows you to monitor the car, check the fuel level and set the temperature, as well as lock and unlock it. And if confronted with a very narrow parking space, it also allows you to park the car while standing outside it, which is very, very cool...
:: AT A GLANCE
BMW 740Ld xDrive M Sport
Price: £80,025. As tested £92,340. Options included: 'advanced parking package', including remote control parking, £1,100; 'premium package', including soft-close doors, sunblinds and heated front and rear seats, £2,100; rear seat 'comfort package', including massaging seats, TV, wireless connectivity and upgraded stereo, £4,815; 20-inch alloy wheels £1,100; head-up display £1,150; headlight wash £225; and night vision with pedestrian recognition £1,825.
Engine and transmission: 3.0-litre six-cylinder diesel twin-turbo, eight-speed automatic gearbox, four-wheel-drive; 316bhp, 502lb/ft
Performance: Top speed 155mph, 0-62mph in 5.3 seconds
Fuel consumption: 52.3mpg (EU combined); 34.3mpg (real world)
CO2, road tax, benefit in kind: 142g/km - £145 annually - 28 per cent
Euro Ncap safety rating: Not yet tested
