Health

Ask Fiona: I don't want to touch my boyfriend

Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine offers her perspective on family dramas, emotional issues and dysfunctional relationships

"I never enjoyed kissing him" 
"I never enjoyed kissing him"  "I never enjoyed kissing him" 

MY boyfriend and I have just split up because although I loved him, I couldn’t respond to him physically.

He was my first boyfriend and I never enjoyed kissing him and sometimes he’d simply stop because he wasn’t getting a reaction from me.

He is upset by what has happened as I think he felt we would soon get married and have children.

I’ve always been reserved, but what worries me now is that, if I couldn’t show my feelings to him, perhaps I’ll never be able to.

Does this mean I’ll never be able to have a close relationship?

ER

FIONA SAYS: You say this was your first relationship, but perhaps although you liked him, you never really loved your boyfriend.

It’s clear his expectations of this relationship were considerably more advanced than yours.

He was ready to settle down and it’s clear you were not – at least, not with him.

Although this parting hurts now, it was probably for the best. Had you married and had children, it would have been very hard to break up without hurting even more people, including yourself.

Please don’t see this relationship – important though it was – as the prototype for all your future loves or relationships. Instead, learn from it; you know that you’re reserved and perhaps slow to show your feelings, so be wary of relationships with people who seem to want instant commitment.

In time, I am sure you will find a sharing and caring relationship that is right for you.

If you have a problem you can email me, Fiona Caine, at help@askfiona.net