THE transfer test results were out last weekend and in some houses there were celebrations and in others raw disappointment.
I've never agreed with formally testing pupils at 11-years-old. It is cruel and unfair and is damaging to some young people's self-esteem. And having been through the process now four times, those thoughts have only solidified.
I remember our eldest going through the system and really struggling. I remember getting him a tutor and watching him – at 10-years-old – work evenings and weekends on test papers and hating every minute of it.
I remember other parents telling me they had promised their kids iPads and phones if they passed and this was talked about with much excitement in the classroom. And ultimately I remember thinking I was putting far too much pressure on my young son to be successful in an exam that everyone was telling him would define his entire life.
I also remember pulling him from the exam and the stress disappearing.
I recall speaking to a group of women about the transfer test afterwards. I said that we had decided to send our son to a non-grammar school as we had looked at their ethos, spoke to the teachers, had a look around and thought that he would most definitely thrive there. We were excited about him going. One of the women said, and I quote: "Oh well, the world will always need street sweepers and bin men."
Not that there is anything wrong with either profession, but it took all of my strength not to dump the lukewarm cappuccino I was holding over her smug head. My 11-year-old child had not yet chosen his profession, but because of the school he was going to, someone had already chosen his future for him.
He went to the non-selective school he wanted to go to, thrived in the supportive and nurturing environment there, got a great education, made fantastic friends and did very well, by the way.
Our second and third sons chose to do the transfer tests to get into a school they liked best. There was no pressure, there were no tutors, there were no expectations, no promises of presents if they passed. It was just an exam, no big deal either way.
We were confident in their ability and greatness and knew that they would thrive wherever they went. Whatever school they attended would be lucky to have them as a pupil.
And this year our daughter decided on her school – one that you don't need transfer test results to attend – and that was that. Her teacher said that she was more than capable of doing the test and getting a place at a grammar, but she had a favoured school after speaking to pupils, looking at what the school offered and at the teachers who would be guiding her and she wanted to go there. So that was that.
And me. I failed my 11-Plus 30 years ago and for many years after, well into my 30s, I felt like a failure. I felt not good enough, not smart enough.
It was expected that I would attend the grammar school my mother and sister had gone to, but when I didn't get the grade I went to a secondary school. My mother and father didn't make me feel like a failure. A small white piece of paper landing on the mat in the hall one Saturday morning telling me I failed did.
The bit of paper might have been binned long ago but I carried the ghost of it around with me for years.
I got a fantastic education in my non-grammar school, spent 20-odd good years as a reporter working for outlets all over the world, having the greatest adventures, meeting the most extraordinary people and am now a university lecturer living my best life. I exorcised the spirit of that little bit of paper long ago.
All of our schools here in Northern Ireland are exceptional. Our teachers, grammar and non-grammar are inspirational in their endeavours to lead pupils to be the very best that they can be.
Our children should not be made to feel like failures at 11 if they do not enter grammar school. But sadly, this is a widely held, mind-boggling and frankly narrow-minded view.
If people would look beyond the end of their nose they would see that our non-selective schools are turning out the most exceptional and passionate students who are setting the world on fire daily in whatever field they choose. Writing them off is simply not an option. Lessons need to be learned here.
